HELP!!! - Camaro5 Chevy Camaro Forum / Camaro ZL1, SS and V6 Forums

jrboyd_1980 · 02-01-2010, 06:31 PM

Chelly sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

5thGenCamaroChick · 02-01-2010, 10:16 PM

CynAgain · 02-01-2010, 10:41 PM

Dude, you just insulted her womanly ability to keep the house!

Orange5thGen · 02-01-2010, 10:43 PM

PQ · 02-01-2010, 11:21 PM

THAT is freakin' funny.

Tactical Z · 02-02-2010, 04:40 AM

I lol'd

Sir Nuke · 02-02-2010, 06:49 AM

well here is the rest of the list in this thread.......titled "and them the fight stated"

http://www.camaro5.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60979

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were i bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

sugar'n'spice · 02-02-2010, 07:36 AM

I heard this before.

jrboyd_1980 · 02-02-2010, 08:02 AM

I had heard the joke and the set up was perfect.. She just didn't think it was funny lol

rudack · 02-02-2010, 08:18 AM

Went to the hospital last night for the Neonatal walk through
Wife said: I feel fat and my legs hurt
I said: Well at least your sneakers still fit
And then the fight started.....

Brokinarrow · 02-02-2010, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrboyd_1980

I had heard the joke and the set up was perfect.. She just didn't think it was funny lol

Maybe if SHE had read the jokes before hand she would have found it somewhat amusing

GMfan454 · 02-02-2010, 10:32 AM

Best woman joke ever..

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.....

Edit: I know hitting women is not funny but it is just a joke.

CynAgain · 02-02-2010, 08:06 PM

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that's when the fight started....

Brokinarrow · 02-03-2010, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CynAgain

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that's when the fight started....

02-01-2010, 06:31 PM	#1
jrboyd_1980 A ***'s Headache Drives: Everything Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 2,174	HELP!!! Chelly sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...

02-01-2010, 10:16 PM	#2
5thGenCamaroChick Hey y'all :) Drives: Rosalee Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Southeast TN Posts: 437	__________________ "Are you picking up what I'm laying down? Can you dig what I'm growing?"

02-01-2010, 10:43 PM	#4
Orange5thGen Drives: 2011 Convert Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: San Jose, CA Posts: 2,052 View My Garage	__________________ Come see me at www.chicago5thgen.com TEAM LLT, , 2011 Covertible 1LT RS, JDM Color Shift Halo's, Showstopper Camaro Bowtie Led Mirrors, Side Markers and Engine Cover, Pace Setter Catback Exhaust, BK Coilover Kit, 21" Full Crome GM wheels, Tinted windows, I WIN BEARS Plate. Full amber ABL dash and door update with IOM interior panels.

02-01-2010, 11:21 PM	#5
PQ Booooosted. Drives: 2010 Supercharged SS Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Mobile, AL Posts: 36,716 View My Garage	THAT is freakin' funny. __________________

02-02-2010, 06:49 AM	#7
Sir Nuke Master of All Things Drives: '20 Corvette Stingray Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Southeast of Houston, Texas Posts: 22,330 View My Garage	well here is the rest of the list in this thread.......titled "and them the fight stated" http://www.camaro5.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60979 My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were i bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... **************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started..... ************************************* My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... ************************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... **************************************** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... __________________

02-01-2010, 10:41 PM	#3
CynAgain Drives: Chevy Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: USA Posts: 6,534	Dude, you just insulted her womanly ability to keep the house!

02-02-2010, 04:40 AM	#6
Tactical Z Banned Drives: Nissan Titan Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: San Antonio, Texas Posts: 8,490	I lol'd

02-02-2010, 07:36 AM	#8
sugar'n'spice Drives: . Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: . Posts: 18,978	I heard this before.

02-02-2010, 08:02 AM	#9
jrboyd_1980 A ***'s Headache Drives: Everything Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 2,174	I had heard the joke and the set up was perfect.. She just didn't think it was funny lol

02-02-2010, 08:18 AM	#10
rudack Rudack Drives: ABM 2SS/RS Join Date: May 2009 Location: Coconut Creek, FL Posts: 742 View My Garage	Went to the hospital last night for the Neonatal walk through Wife said: I feel fat and my legs hurt I said: Well at least your sneakers still fit And then the fight started..... __________________ ABM 2SS/RS #33390

02-02-2010, 10:32 AM	#12
GMfan454 Drives: 2012 IOM 2SS/RS 6spd manual Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 401	Best woman joke ever.. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice..... Edit: I know hitting women is not funny but it is just a joke.

02-02-2010, 08:06 PM	#13
CynAgain Drives: Chevy Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: USA Posts: 6,534	A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And that's when the fight started....