Men Giving Advice...

[Heliwrench]

I laughed.

Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day I went to work and left my husband watching tv. My car stalled about a mile from the house and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When i got back home i found him in bed with the neighbour's 19 year old daughter. Apparently it's been going on for 6 months. He won't go to counseling. I'm a wreck and need advise urgently! Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila.

Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after such a short drive suggests a fuel problem. Check to see if there's debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold. Also the grounding wires there. If those are good, it might be the fuel pump itself causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps.
John.

[WadeWilson]

I've seen that one before, but it never gets old.

[TOMS1SS]

Probably the right answer she sounds as dumb as a box of rocks.

[Hemlawk]

Haha epic!

[Zabo]

Ah-yep.. wait, was she talking about the chick or the car? If the former he was just unplugging an obviously clogged fuel line that had been going on for those 6 months.

[66olds442]

Love it!

[Da Hose]

EPIC

[hot_rod]

fits with the OP's...

Friendship among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend 's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
...
Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

[MikeSVX]

P.S. Tell 19 year olds father and collect insurance after Father kills husband.

[helmincamaro]

Differences Between Man and Women

Eating Out

When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.

When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money

A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.

A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

Bathrooms


A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.

The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

Arguments

Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats

Women love cats.

Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.

Future

A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

Success

A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.

A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

Marriage

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Dressing Up

A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.

Children

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thought for the Day

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.



Te Be Six Again

You really have to give this guy an A+ for effort.

George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"

His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."

George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.

As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"

Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"



Why Men Are Happier

Men can play with toys all their life.

Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.

Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.

Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.

Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.

Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.

Chocolate is just another snack.

The whole garage belongs to them.

Weddings take care of themselves.

Men's last name never changes.

Everything on a man's face stays its original color.

Men only have to shave their faces and necks.

Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.

Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

For men, wrinkles add character.

Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.

Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.

Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.

Men have one mood all the time.

A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks

Men can open all their own jars.



Its all true!

[Heliwrench]

I suspect this thread may go a horrible direction soon...

[CamaroSkooter]

Men can pee standing up...

[midnighter]

We're rollin' here

[hot_rod]

Originally Posted by Heliwrench

I suspect this thread may go a horrible direction soon...

Blame it on a "pent up demand" since the joke thread was closed awhile back!

MORE!!!!