Stepson in trouble....

[Ladybugsmom]

My stepson got in trouble today for bringing a knife (a hunting knife with about a 4 inch blade) to school. He got caught on the bus, and the bus driver just called his mom about it instead of turning him in to the principal. Lots of discussion about what to do about it. His mom is taking away everything he owns, my husband wants to beat his a$$ (I stopped him, not because I don't believe in spanking, but because I don't think it will be effective at his age - 12). I think he needs to face a real-life consequence - tell the principal, let them dole out the punishment. This is where there's some disagreement... School policy on weapons is automatic expulsion for one calendar year - which puts us into a hard position, hurting all the parents involved by having additional expenses for transportation out of district or someone having to stay home with him... What would you do????

[lil_chef]

i disagree with you and almost agree with the dad. DON'T pass the kid off to the school system to have them do your job as parents for you.

[Ladybugsmom]

Originally Posted by lil_chef

i disagree with you and almost agree with the dad. DON'T pass the kid off to the school system to have them do your job as parents for you.

The only reason my thoughts about it went that direction is that he doesn't seem to care what mom or dad do to him or take away from him. He might care if he has to get held back a grade for being expelled, because all he cares about now is being "cool" and a "ladies man". Not cool to have to repeat 6th grade.... I don't want to have to bear the burden of the expense of sending him to a different school for a year, either - so I'm torn. He DID get spanked, cried because it hurt, but showed no remorse for his actions, an kept the defiant "f you" look on his face the whole time... Kids....

[helmincamaro]

funny how times have changed.... my mom's told me (along with other older people I know) about how kids used to leave their hunting rifles in their truck at school during hunting season so they could go before/after school..... now you can't even have a plastic knife in your lunch box .

[Nexus6]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

The only reason my thoughts about it went that direction is that he doesn't seem to care what mom or dad do to him or take away from him. He might care if he has to get held back a grade for being expelled, because all he cares about now is being "cool" and a "ladies man". Not cool to have to repeat 6th grade.... I don't want to have to bear the burden of the expense of sending him to a different school for a year, either - so I'm torn. He DID get spanked, cried because it hurt, but showed no remorse for his actions, an kept the defiant "f you" look on his face the whole time... Kids....

Keep going unil that face changes,and then afterwards,grounding with a lot of hard labor.

[lil_chef]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

The only reason my thoughts about it went that direction is that he doesn't seem to care what mom or dad do to him or take away from him. He might care if he has to get held back a grade for being expelled, because all he cares about now is being "cool" and a "ladies man". Not cool to have to repeat 6th grade.... I don't want to have to bear the burden of the expense of sending him to a different school for a year, either - so I'm torn. He DID get spanked, cried because it hurt, but showed no remorse for his actions, an kept the defiant "f you" look on his face the whole time... Kids....

he will eventually crack..... as i did

[Iroczlover]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

The only reason my thoughts about it went that direction is that he doesn't seem to care what mom or dad do to him or take away from him. He might care if he has to get held back a grade for being expelled, because all he cares about now is being "cool" and a "ladies man". Not cool to have to repeat 6th grade.... I don't want to have to bear the burden of the expense of sending him to a different school for a year, either - so I'm torn. He DID get spanked, cried because it hurt, but showed no remorse for his actions, an kept the defiant "f you" look on his face the whole time... Kids....

lol you only get to see my kids when they have their polite company look on their faces. well My son lol.

he goes to bethal school district? if so that is a bad district, heard alot of crap about that place. of course we get alot of it about our district to.

the good thing is you are in a great area to teach your son, what its like.
get in touch with one of the local cops ( i think my husband can drop names of cops that may help) & have them give your son a tour of the local jail, including locking him in a cell & walking away. (this will scare him)

also another idea & its up to the parent who has him most of the time to do this one.

Is get him enrolled in the cap (civil air Patorl) soon. its ROTC for kids with out being forced in to join the military afterwards. Its bast on structor we would of enrolled ours in it, but we had to go to OLYMPIA or Tacoma for it, then they were in to martial arts & I would have to be doing the driving since my husband works nights so it wasnt a good thing.

as for schooling you dont really have to ship him to another school district or another school. There are programs on line called NOVAnet our school district had tried for years to get my son enrolled in to this program, Because hes a problem child, but what they needed to do is to challenge him & it finally took a couple teachers to do that, then he got a gf & screwed that all up lol.

[Iroczlover]

one more post lol.

back when I was in high school here, (got to remember that was the late 80s early 90s) I took a knife to school as well. I forgot to take it out of my pocket when I was feeding horses that morning (I had Zero hour classes (which meant I had to be at school an hour before school started)) someone must of saw it or something because I got called in to the principals office. he didnt search me, because he knew better not to lay his hands on me (growing up was not nice) He had me empty all my pockets I did all but my back pocket where my wallet was & the knife.

He asked me what was in my back pocket & I told him my wallet. He let it go with that. He must of knew that was were I kept my knives when I carried them, but he just let it go.


The very next class was AG class (animal science) & we were out in the barn settling some horses, we had borrowed for horse care & the teacher asked if someone had a knife on them to cut the bale of hay. I pulled mine out of my back pocket & the principal was standing there watching me do it lol.

never got in to trouble for it.

[Stingr69]

He's 12 - you don't spank a 12 yr old.

They don't listen much at this point. The school did not find it so they can't do anything and it would have NO EFFECT on him at all if they did find it and deal out the punnishment. It only hurts the parents.

That said, here we go - I would advise you need to take a double dose of self control and talk with him calmly at the table. Explain the issue and stress the consequences if this happens again. Tell him about how you will feel if he does this again and how it will put a burden on all of you because of his disrespect for the rules. You need to get your point across to him that this is not acceptable and that he is responsible for his actions. Either he cares about you, or he does not. If he gets the message then fine. If he does not get the message, then you will have to let this all play out.

He either gets it now or he gets it later.

Be strong!

-Mark.

[TOMS1SS]

Originally Posted by helmincamaro

funny how times have changed.... my mom's told me (along with other older people I know) about how kids used to leave their hunting rifles in their truck at school during hunting season so they could go before/after school..... now you can't even have a plastic knife in your lunch box .

I used to keep a couple guns and knifes in the trunk of my car just in case I was going out to the woods after school. I know the school staff knew about it too, nobody cared until the Columbine deal.

[2ndgenz28]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

The only reason my thoughts about it went that direction is that he doesn't seem to care what mom or dad do to him or take away from him. .

and you think he is gonna care about school, the kid is asking to get his ass beat. And I mean that, it is what the kid wants. Been there, done that. wish they care enough to raise a hand.

but no my hippy peace n love parents would be oh we don't like what you did but we can't stop you...........

And jail won't do any good either, at 12 its called sleep away camp.
There is nothing scary, there is no general population where you get raped daily like an adult in jail. Only thing it does is make them want to go back, as only there do the people care more about discipline then his feeling or what society think. Why so many go back to jail over and over, its the only place where people act like real parents.


Spare the rod, spoil the child.

[Moriartii]

Why did he bring the knife to school? I haven't seen that point addressed? Get to the root of the matter then beat his ass.

I would not pawn the kid off on the school system especially since it causes a financial burden but I do agree the kid needs some good consequences. Got a hole that needs dug? Have him dig a hole, then fill it in, then dig it again - kind of like the hard labor mentioned earlier. Got rocks or bricks that need moved?

Cheers
K

[Ladybugsmom]

Originally Posted by Stingr69

He's 12 - you don't spank a 12 yr old.

They don't listen much at this point. The school did not find it so they can't do anything and it would have NO EFFECT on him at all if they did find it and deal out the punnishment. It only hurts the parents.
.....
Be strong!

I agree with a lot of what you say. BUT, I'm the stepmom - I can give advice, but ultimately, it's not up to me. I'm for corporal punishment, but at some age it stops working, and I think it was around 8 or 9 for my stepson. So, I don't think a spanking did much good. (my hubby did spank him last night).
The bus driver found it - so, technically, he was on school property... She just happens to like him, so she called his mom rather than turning him in... Who knows? Maybe she will turn him in today when she gets to the school...
I like the ideas of touring the jail - scared straight - we know some LEOs, see what we can do....
Thanks for all the input! We would really like to turn my stepson around before he really heads down the wrong path....

[2ndgenz28]

And I don’t mean to be rough with you but if you can’t send him out to the wood shed as he needs its [probably weekly at this point, 12 is not to old, its just right for a real beating].

Send him to military school yesterday, if you can’t beat him, sending him to jail will just further a new criminal career as you take in from those around you or you can turn him into a Marine.

can't be wishy washy with kids, either lay down and let him walk over you or stand taller then life.


Oh I know it will be tough and he will hate it.

But consider how many kids who get sent to jail or to military school thank their parent’s later n life as they turn out to be productive citizens.
Maybe 2% who went to jail, maybe.
Id bet 99.9% who get sent to military school thank and praise them later.