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Old 07-23-2010, 02:14 AM   #1
bigted83
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Dating question

Alright I need some advice, girls feel free to chip in


Alright there's this girl I dated at one time for 9 months, and we broke up and didn't talk for sometime. Then we started talkIng again she made first contact. And dated again split up again, then we started talking again after she made first contact again. Dated again and everything. Then again split up. So then she started dating this other guy and we would talk thru text.they have split up and her and I are hanging out again and talking about dating if I change. I get jealous like u wouldn't believe. She has guy friends she texts and it bothers me cuz I assume she's doing something and I always need to be reassured and crap. She says she wants to be with me,but I'm not sure she really does. But then if I didn't mean anything to her she wouldn't talk to me or hang out with me? Is she playing me? As much as I want a camaro I would easily give up the camaro to be with her. This girl is and means the world to me?

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Old 07-23-2010, 02:16 AM   #2
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What should I do?
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Old 07-23-2010, 05:05 AM   #3
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:20 AM   #4
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I guess I would ask yourself if the issue is something she's doing or your insecurity. You don't really say anything about what caused previous breakups other than that you mentioned being bothered by her guy friends. Even if it is solely an insecurity issue on your part you still have to ask yourself if that's something you can get over and have it not be a problem for you.
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:44 AM   #5
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Well when she was with that guy after me she would hang out with me and everything and tell that guy she was at her parents. And her and I are at the moment are only friends. I get jelous if we go and hang out and she talks to other guys. I assume that since she did that to that guy she did it to me when we was dating. And she'll go out and do all kinds of things with her other female and guy friends but won't do that stuff with me. I admit when we first dated I did something wrong and I regret it. But she stuck with me. And she says she stil would like to date me just if I would get over my jealousy, but then I wonder why she would want to be with me after I did what I done. When she has other guy friends she could date. I also at times wish she would just let me alone and foret about me
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:50 AM   #6
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My advise after going thru something almost similar....just turn your back and find a diff girl. she sounds like my X-wife....who I found out was screwing most of her guy 'friends'
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:51 AM   #7
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I want this girl more than anything. Then I also think with all these guys friends and she will go out and forget about me.
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:58 AM   #8
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That's the only thing that gets me I think she's doing it to me. She could be and then she couldn't. I've tried so hard to let her go but I'm worried that i won't find a girl as cool as her. Her not doing what she does what she does with her friends bother me. I'm a mess
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:02 AM   #9
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And good god I'm a chickenshit when it comes to talking to girls
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:11 AM   #10
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Drop her. Seriously. If it hasn't worked after the third time, obviously she hasn't changed to accomodate you just as much as you haven't changed to accomodate her.

You are just two different people. If she's unwilling to compromise in a mutual relationship, you won't be happy with her. You'll be a whipped pansy more than likely.

If you're scared to talk to women, try a dating site/service like eharmony or whatever. a friend of mine has been dating this guy for more than 2 years and it made a believer out of me.

My main advice is to make yourself happy once in a while. If you worry too much about what other people think all the time, you might be able to please them, but you won't be happy yourself.
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:15 AM   #11
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:17 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigted83 View Post
Alright I need some advice, girls feel free to chip in


Alright there's this girl I dated at one time for 9 months, and we broke up and didn't talk for sometime. Then we started talkIng again she made first contact. And dated again split up again, then we started talking again after she made first contact again. Dated again and everything. Then again split up. So then she started dating this other guy and we would talk thru text.they have split up and her and I are hanging out again and talking about dating if I change. I get jealous like u wouldn't believe. She has guy friends she texts and it bothers me cuz I assume she's doing something and I always need to be reassured and crap. She says she wants to be with me,but I'm not sure she really does. But then if I didn't mean anything to her she wouldn't talk to me or hang out with me? Is she playing me? As much as I want a camaro I would easily give up the camaro to be with her. This girl is and means the world to me?

Ted Williams
It seems to me, from what you have written, that she is using you or playing you, as you stated. You are like a pair of comfortable shoes. She keeps putting you on after the new shoes start hurting her feet. Then she gets a hankering for a new pair of shoes again and ends up putting you back in the closet. In other words, she doesn't want to lose you as her backup so she's stringing you along while dating other guys. Don't enable this game she is playing by going back with her when she makes contact. Cut the strings permanently and move on. If she contacts you again, just say no. Put your emotional energy into new relationships. Believe me, you will not regret it.
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:20 AM   #13
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I want this girl more than anything. Then I also think with all these guys friends and she will go out and forget about me.
See my response above. She knows you want her which makes it so easy for her to play you. Don't be a door mat. Girls like strong men physically and mentally. And don't forget, you teach people how to treat you. If she is treating you like a second rate boyfriend it's because you have allowed her to do so. Stop the cycle and move on without her.
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:40 AM   #14
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Thank you so much
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:47 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by prostock69 View Post
It seems to me, from what you have written, that she is using you or playing you, as you stated. You are like a pair of comfortable shoes. She keeps putting you on after the new shoes start hurting her feet. Then she gets a hankering for a new pair of shoes again and ends up putting you back in the closet. In other words, she doesn't want to lose you as her backup so she's stringing you along while dating other guys. Don't enable this game she is playing by going back with her when she makes contact. Cut the strings permanently and move on. If she contacts you again, just say no. Put your emotional energy into new relationships. Believe me, you will not regret it.
This!
Quote:
Originally Posted by prostock69 View Post
See my response above. She knows you want her which makes it so easy for her to play you. Don't be a door mat. Girls like strong men physically and mentally. And don't forget, you teach people how to treat you. If she is treating you like a second rate boyfriend it's because you have allowed her to do so. Stop the cycle and move on without her.
And this!


To the OP -If she can lie to the other BF, then she can & will do it to you.
You would really give up a car for a chick? Screw that! A real woman would never make you choose, and you'll regret it forever if you do. Don't worry about not being able to find a girl "as cool as she is", there are plenty of much cooler chicks out there, trust me. As prostock said above, she's just stringing you along out of convenience. Quit being a doormat, it's not cute... ever! Why not just stay single for a while? Nothing wrong with being single and doing what YOU want. Quit worrying about this broad.
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:49 AM   #16
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Thank you so much
No problem. I've been there and done this....and it was the most unhealthy relationship I've ever been in. I also thought it would be the end of the world if I didn't have him. Now, looking back I see what an idiot I was. I was his "comfortable shoe." Because I was unable to cut the strings, I continually got hurt and my self-esteem hit rock bottom. One day I had enough and ended it permanently. Shortly after this, I met my husband. We will be married 12 years this Sunday, we have two beautiful daughters and we couldn't be happier.

Good luck to you! Keep searching, "the one" is out there.
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:51 AM   #17
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See my response above. She knows you want her which makes it so easy for her to play you. Don't be a door mat. Girls like strong men physically and mentally. And don't forget, you teach people how to treat you. If she is treating you like a second rate boyfriend it's because you have allowed her to do so. Stop the cycle and move on without her.
^^ could not agree more. She is wanting to be chased, not caught. I'm not sure how old either of you are, but I am guessing early 20's. If this is story is going on with people latter 20's and up, then there is some psychosocial development issues. In other words, she's "damaged." I work in psychiatry. I spend more time with "damaged" people than healthy people.

At this point, it's time to focus on "self", what do you do for career or are going to do? What are you doing in your free time?

Two bulls are standing on top of a hill on the pasteur. They are looking down on all the cows out grazing. The younger bull looks at the father bull and yells "hey dad!, why don't we run down there and (blank) us one of them cows?" The father bull looks back at him and quietly says "why don't we walk down there and (blank) them all?"
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:55 AM   #18
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her and I are hanging out again and talking about dating if I change.
This might sting given how you feel towards her, but having not gotten married until I was 32, I have a little bit of dating under my belt. I am 40 and have been happily married for 8 years and have never looked back.... So I know what it is like to find the right person. I am not blasting you or attempting anything derogatory so please bear with me. Some of this may hit you like a brick, which is what it may take.

1. You do not need to change. I do not know you and I do not need to. You are who you are and that will be the case until you are buried. We do not change for other people, we just pretend in front of them. Life's events can change us but it takes a "rude awakening" type of even to make that happen.

2. She is f-ked in the head. Cut and dry. Either she does not know what she wants, or she wants everything. Either way brother.... It is not you. The caveat to this statement is that she wants you after you change which is NOT YOU.

3. She has no respect for you, and does not care about your feelings. She is selfish and only concerned with her own feelings and wants. If she gave a crap about you, she would have not played with you like a yo-yo back and forth like she has. You are a gap filler, when she has nothing better to do... you are the go to guy, once something fun comes alone your dumped.

I do not know her personally, but I do know girls like her. I have been in your shoes. You need to completely disconnect from her and let your feelings subside so your head takes over. If you have any true friends they are telling you the same thing. It is not what you want to hear but it is an accurate assessment of the situation with out involved emotions.

Any honest female reading this will agree. Best of luck....It's going to be rough.
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:57 AM   #19
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:04 AM   #20
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Well that is the other scenario. Some people like being the bug. Need to be the bug.... Could not handle not being the bug.
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:13 AM   #21
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I was trying to make a bit of an effort to think positively before, but especially after seeing post #5, just turn around and RUN dude. If your legs won't carry you fast enough, then go Wile E. Coyote style and get some Acme Rocket Skates. You're reminding me of myself around last winter. No need for the details on that situation, we'll just say the chick toyed with my head to no end and was borderline psychotic. And yeah sorry but you're probably right if she was lying to that other dude she's probably lied to you too. There's nothing wrong with having friends but by the sounds of it she's blowing you off then doing stuff with them, correct? screw that. You'll probably be a lot happier with this chick out of your life. Maybe not at first, but believe me, you will. Give it time and in the meanwhile try to keep yourself busy. Sometimes when feeling get involved we fool ourselves into thinking we want somebody we don't really want anything to do with.

P.S. 626, that was an excellent post dude.
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:23 AM   #22
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:24 AM   #23
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Did you like to play with fire when you were little ? If so get yourself some fireproof gloves and enjoy what time you have with her.
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:25 AM   #24
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wow, you're too old for games man...
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:36 AM   #25
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That's the only thing that gets me I think she's doing it to me. She could be and then she couldn't. I've tried so hard to let her go but I'm worried that i won't find a girl as cool as her. Her not doing what she does what she does with her friends bother me. I'm a mess
Trust me you will find another. I had a Gf that long story short left me for an ex then came back then left again it was a whole thing. One day she said to me that she thinks we shouldn't do this anymore, and I asked her "Why do you like being so miserable?" those were the last words I ever said to her. A year later I met the love of my life and the girl I will probably marry whos just as beautiful, and way cooler.

Run, don't walk away, and don't speak to her either.
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