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Old 04-19-2010, 03:34 AM   #1
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MALES: How involved were you with planning your wedding? Ladies, it's ok to comment

My girlfriend and I are arguing right now because we can't figure out what kind of wedding we want.

It's really frustrating because she keeps saying that I don't care, or she doesn't want to plan this by her self. She keeps saying she wants a special wedding, but doesn't have any ideas about what that is. She's the first woman i've ever encountered that didn't know exactly how she wanted her wedding to be. I keep suggesting, "well lets do it on the beach" or "lets go to vegas" or "lets just go see the JP". Am I not being involved enough? I don't know how to plan a wedding! I am not religious, and am not into conventional weddings, and neither is she.

It's hard to plan a wedding from Afghanistan!

How involved were you in the day to day planning of your wedding? Any tips or ideas for planning a wedding?

I've been married before, but I was overseas when all the planning was going on, and really didn't have any say in how things were (well only that I was going to wear my uniform).

Help me Camaro5, you're my only hope......
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:36 AM   #2
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I know exactly where you're coming from. I was in Africa (Dem. Republic of Congo) for 3 months and when I got back she told me everything was taken care of. Well "everything" was actually just the location. Well, from what I hear that's the hard part. I looked up all the small stuff (DJs, Flower people, ect. . .) on the internet. I think that the net is going to be really helpful with your distance. Find out what small stuff needs to get planned, look it up on the net and send her info and ask which companies she is willing to meet with. My fiance was ready to start pulling her hair out over all these small details. Planning out the just the DJ really earned me some browie points and all I did was gather info and see which companies she liked best.
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:14 AM   #3
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well WE got married in Vegas.......we love going there anyway, so that part was a no brainer for us....but the WHERE was my choice. I did a lot of research on all the chappels and the packages available. We got married at the Excaliber they had a BEAUTIFUL chappel. and OUT THE DOOR was only about $800. Here is a picture of their Chappel.

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Old 04-19-2010, 09:26 AM   #4
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We had a small town wedding. I picked out what my groomsmen wore. It had a western theme. All of my groomsmen wore long wool frock style coats like the ones in Tombstone with the gambler's style ribbon tie.

Wedding are a lot of work for just 20 minutes of formality. Remember that day is for her. The funny thing now is that my wife and many of her friends say if they had to do it over again that they would run off. (RUNN OFT) It's too much stress for just one day.
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:41 AM   #5
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get married at a justice of the piece.spend the money it would cost for a big wedding on your car.
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:51 AM   #6
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Lets see if I can help you out some. . . I'm a professional Wedding DJ in the Pittsburgh area. . . I do about 40 weddings a year and only see the involvement of the groom in about 5-8 weddings.

I was very involved planning my wedding. . . I see weddings every weekend and knew what I wanted. . . But this isn't the case in most weddings.

What I recommend is first decide on a budget for your wedding. . . This will lead into what you can do. . .

Most my couples are either Dr. or Lawyers and spend roughly 50-65K per wedding. (crazy i know)

IMO these two things you can NOT skimp on:
First, Great Wedding Photographer - In the Pittsburgh area photographers run from 1k up to 5-6k. . . I would do some researching but would look around the $3500 price range for your photographer. The photos are the only thing you will have 20, 50 years down the road.
Second, is a well known and GREAT wedding DJ. . .Prices very A LOT. . . but the industry average is around 1000-1200. I would look in the $1500- 2k range. The DJ can ruin any event . . . bad music, bad mic skills, bad organization, bad flow of the night. . . I've seen my share of horrible wedding DJ's.

Drop me your email address via PM and I'll send out some info that you can share with your fiancée.
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:59 AM   #7
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I picked the girl. That's about it.


Not really - My wife has been down the isle before but it was my first so I got a lot more involved. She wanted it that way and it fits our personalities well. This is what we planned:

My Stepfather has been my pastor for most of my life and my cousin is also a pastor so that part was easy - we had two pastors officiating. What else could we do?

My Mother's side of the family belongs to a very old, super tiny, country church. - Easy choice and romantic.

We had the reception at a VERY, VERY, GAUDY Italian place with amazing food. They know how to put on a reception and everybody loved it. It cost more to do it at a good place but if the guest list is short enough, it will work.

We were married in Buffalo which is close to Niagara Falls so we started the honeymoon by driving up to the falls and all it cost was gas. We flew to San Francisco for 2 days where we spent time at my Dad's place and did the Fisherman's warf thing (waiting for our flight to Hawaii). My Dad gave us a week at a timeshare in Maui for a wedding gift so that was part 3.

Some of that was costly but a large part of it was not. You can do a lot with a little if you plan carefully and take advantage of opportunity where you can find it.

Advice - If this is your first wedding, have some fun, spend some money and enjoy the day no matter what happes. Oh, and be sure to pack some clothes for the day after. Some people forget to do that and have to wear thier tux again the next day. Not that it ever happened to me or anything.

Eloping is GREAT way to do it if you want romantic and do not have the cash for a big party. Don't tell anyone until after it is over so nobody feels left out. Think of all the stories you will be able to tell. Fun!

Hope it all works out great for you!

-Mark.
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:34 AM   #8
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Wow! Great advice everyone, thank you so much.

This is her first wedding, my 2nd wedding. I pretty much wasn't involved for my first wedding.

She's one of those "well, I never thought I would get married so I never imagined what my wedding would be like" girls.

She's a tough one to read. It seems like all my suggestions are being met with frowns. lol.
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Old 04-19-2010, 11:51 AM   #9
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I'm currently planning a long distance wedding with my fiancee.

We're planning on getting married at the Gaylord Opryland in Nashville. She's basically getting a wedding planner. All I have to do is show up and pick out the suits for the men.

And I'm okay with that.
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Old 04-19-2010, 12:09 PM   #10
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I picked up the tux I was told to get and showed up at the church when I was told. That was as much input as the wife desired, and more than I really thought nessicary.
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:25 PM   #11
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My wife and mother in law planned it all. The only thing I was in charge of was the bar options. She did a wonderful job to!
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Old 04-19-2010, 01:28 PM   #12
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haha planning a wedding is def a chick thing. In fact weddings are a chick thing too. I have no interest in either. I mean, isnt it a law that when you get married you trade in your life for a minivan? Because that seems to be the way it happens.
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:55 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dmiller66 View Post
I mean, isnt it a law that when you get married you trade in your life for a minivan? Because that seems to be the way it happens.
Have to say no on that. . . I got my Camaro after we've been married for little over a year. (been dating 7 yrs before getting Married.)
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:06 PM   #14
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Do not spend a lot of money on a big event. Either a small cheap wedding at home then spend the money on a big honeymoon, or get married in Hawaii (that is what we did) and spend your honeymoon there. We did the cheap $600 (check on line there are several and they will help you through the process) on the beach wedding it was cool. Invite everyone to go and have a good time. A wedding is for you guys not everyone else.
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:22 PM   #15
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My daughter got married in '07, big wedding, a good wedding is worth their weight in gold. I just got married March 13, 2010, about 35 guests, got an official from the courthouse and we were married in our back yard and a great time was had by all. Put your girl friend on the spot, have her deside what kind of wedding your having, because until that done nothing else can be planned.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:47 AM   #16
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She basically asked me for my input on a couple of things and then told me when and where to show up. Not my kind of thing at all.
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Old 04-20-2010, 09:02 AM   #17
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First Marrage.... Equally, We eloped...
First marriage renewal of vowes... She did with her friends at the church...I just told her what I was going to wear..
First marriage lasted 33 years before my wife's passing//

Second marriage.. We eloped.. I arranged everything though...
2+ years and still going strong...

Recommendation: Elope and save the money for the Honeymoon...
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:02 AM   #18
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Never been married, I'm way too young, lol. But if I ever do, I'm just going to pick the tux out and book the flight to the carribean, she'll do the rest
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:11 AM   #19
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I showed up... and that's about it.
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:23 AM   #20
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If I could go back and do it all over again I would save the money and put it towards something else! Not that I didn't like everything but all the planning and cost that goes into it for 10 minutes standing at the alter and 2 hrs of reception..kinda silly when you think about it. I say use the money you were going to spend on the wedding and go on a nice honeymoon. If you want/need to do a ceremony/reception then keep it small and simple. My friend spent $60,000 on her wedding only to get divorced 8 yrs later!
Buy a wedding planner book from Books-A-Million or Borders. It will tell you everything you need to do and what average cost is on everything. It will even give you websites to go to to order invitations and other things
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:43 AM   #21
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I can't say anything because I'm not married...my brother however is taking the plunge later this year. I've asked him, "have you guys picked the place?" he would reply, "she's in charge of that..." anything i asked him, his reply would be "she's taking care of that..."

I think that when the time comes for me, I want to be able to have some input. Not because i'm a hopeless romantic, but I just don't like to be told what to do and I especially don't like to have other people have control over me.
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:27 AM   #22
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My husband and I went to Key West and got married on the beach. It was my second marriage and his first. Originally we were going to do the "real" wedding but people started arguing (gotta love divorced families!) After trying to appease everyone and getting nowhere fast...both of us decided to solve the all our extended family problems by telling everyone that they were not envited to OUR wedding and that we were going to elope. Best decision we ever made and I wouldn't change one thing. Very easy....I can give you details on who we used if you want. Let me know :-) Good luck and both of you remember that this is YOUR wedding..no matter what everone says.
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:45 AM   #23
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I look forward to being married, not the actual wedding. I think (i hope) we plan on keeping it simple.
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Old 04-20-2010, 04:23 PM   #24
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I'm involved in quite a bit. most of the decisions we argue about because she wants my opinion and doesn't like it when I give it to her. I was worried about a few things and was able to step in at the beginning and take control of these things...

I wanted to pick the cake.
I wanted to pick my tux.
I wanted the food to taste good.
Once I heard the musician play a song, I wanted to set up the ceremony music.
I want my car parked outside the hotel right in front for pictures.

Other than that, everything has been "our" decision.

Wedding is in 5.5 weeks
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Old 04-20-2010, 04:33 PM   #25
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I was eyeball deep because I paid for about 90% of it. Thats a big part of the reason we had a fairly simple, inexpensive wedding. I told my wife we could either have a huge wedding and sit at home or have a simpler one and actually go on a honeymoon, there simply wasn't enough $$$ for both...
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