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Old 06-18-2010, 12:24 PM   #1
hot_rod

 
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TGIF ! TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences.
She thought she was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the **** is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!
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Old 06-18-2010, 12:28 PM   #2
Michael_Js
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2010 Black 2SS/RS; 6M; IOM, GFX, sunroof; ADM Race CAI; Zoomers CB; Viper Alarm; Pdaft F&R sways, Adj Endlinks, Rtrailing arms, Camber kit, strut brace, Front Trailing Arm Bushing; SLP Skip-Shift Elim; Tinted lights/windows; Hurst Short-throw; LoJack; Door & Dash ABL Mods; Subthump; JBA Shorty headers; AACStyle LEDs; Stillen DS rotors, Hawk Ceramic pads; Havoc Blk Chrome wheels: 20x9s; Lingenfelter Blk Al Pedals; RevXtreme Catch Can; Goodridge SS lines; Ported TB; RK Sport hood; Hotchkis chassis brace; KW V3 coilovers;
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Old 06-18-2010, 12:31 PM   #3
Shardik2SS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hot_rod View Post
My wife and I divorced over religious differences.
She thought she was God and I didn't.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.


Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!
These /\
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Old 06-18-2010, 12:32 PM   #4
Da Hose
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I resemble that!
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Hose,

I'd bet $100 that you smile like that all the time, even in your sleep... and you don't snore when you sleep, you giggle.

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Old 06-18-2010, 12:46 PM   #5
DarthNacho08
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the first one was the best one
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Old 06-18-2010, 01:05 PM   #6
2010 SSRS



 
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I like number 7
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Old 06-18-2010, 02:51 PM   #7
helmincamaro
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I like number 7
can I get that in a bumper sticker?
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Old 06-18-2010, 09:51 PM   #8
Mr Twisty


 
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23 ...
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-- Benjamin Franklin
Great Racing Quotes

"Never run out of real estate, traction and ideas at the same time."
"I was doing fine until about mid-corner when I ran out of talent."
"Don't brake until you see God, just don't meet him"
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Old 06-18-2010, 09:52 PM   #9
guiLT
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I love #5!
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Old 06-19-2010, 12:38 AM   #10
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Bravo Sir! My favorites are, in order, #28, 27, and #14. #3 goes without saying.
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