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Old 10-29-2008, 04:34 PM   #1
Iroczlover
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Due to contractual budget cuts, this is your new cubicle, and contract

LOL my hhsuband shipped this to me this morning.

Subject: Due to contractual budget cuts, this is your new cubicle, and contract


Check out our new working conditions, and contract:
DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

NEW OFFICE POLICIES

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
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Old 10-29-2008, 09:33 PM   #2
Just a Skidmark
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hilarious
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Old 10-29-2008, 09:39 PM   #3
zebra
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that's about what my job a few years ago was like!
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Old 10-29-2008, 09:56 PM   #4
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Old 10-30-2008, 03:10 AM   #5
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You shouldn't publish Honeywell Aerospace policies on the web without proper consent.
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Old 10-30-2008, 05:55 PM   #6
CamaroSpike23
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD.



jk cowgirl!
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Nobody makes CamaroSpike happy. You just disgust him a little less than other people.

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Read that link that Spike posted, it'll tell you everything you need to know.
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Nobody makes CamaroSpike happy. You just disgust him a little less than other people.
"You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.”
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But not all people were born awesome like you, Spike.
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Old 10-30-2008, 05:56 PM   #7
Iroczlover
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CamaroSpike23 View Post
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD.



jk cowgirl!
whos cowgirl lol, & Yes I am OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
I am not a man I have boobies.
Cars are like women, If you treat her rough shes going to complain & you will hear about it. If you treat her right she will purrrrrrrrrrrrr
Personal website www.HPIV.net
Greatest Camaro club around www.pnwcc.com
PNWCC is now on facebook
Current cars owned , 72 Skylark vert,86 fiero GT, 87 Iroc-z, 90 Vette Vert , 95 Z28, 99 Silverado K1500, 2010 CGM Camaro 2ss/rs (had to sell & I hate it ) ,2012 Cruze LT
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Old 10-30-2008, 07:42 PM   #8
The_Blur
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I especially love the bathroom section.
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