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Old 06-21-2010, 07:35 PM   #1
SScattergunSS
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~ A Pair Of Jokes For Ya's ~

1st Joke....


~ I rear-ended a car this morning.
I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it!
He was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT happy!"
So I said, "Well then, which one ARE you?!"

That's how the fight started. ...............


2nd Joke....

~ A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street
and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with
nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots.
He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are
you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ...
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red
head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull
off my shirt.. So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my
pants... So I did..
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my
shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and
says, 'Now go to town cowboy... '
'And here I am.'

Son of a Gun.... Blond Men do exist!!!! ~
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Old 06-21-2010, 07:45 PM   #2
Bonnie
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So funny Ed, I like those!! Lmao
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Old 06-21-2010, 07:59 PM   #3
SScattergunSS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie View Post
So funny Ed, I like those!! Lmao
My Aunt actually sent me these.
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~ Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, And this be our motto, "In God is our trust." And the Star Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave ~ Francis Scott Key ~
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Old 06-21-2010, 08:31 PM   #4
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Old 06-21-2010, 08:33 PM   #5
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lmao, great jokes
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Old 06-21-2010, 08:37 PM   #6
arod55
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She mine!!!!!!

Payed her off today (camaro) after eleven months. Now I can start saving for the 2012 Z-28. "Happy days are here again".
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:11 AM   #7
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Hose,

I'd bet $100 that you smile like that all the time, even in your sleep... and you don't snore when you sleep, you giggle.

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Old 06-22-2010, 06:11 AM   #8
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Payed her off today (camaro) after eleven months. Now I can start saving for the 2012 Z-28. "Happy days are here again".
Congrats
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Hose,

I'd bet $100 that you smile like that all the time, even in your sleep... and you don't snore when you sleep, you giggle.

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Old 06-22-2010, 10:38 AM   #9
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Here's a few more of this classic style (which my brother sent to me):

-------------------------------------------

My wife walked into the den & asked;
"What's on the TV?"

I replied, "Dust"

And that's how the fight started.

-------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said;
"I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

So I bought her a set of Bathroom scales.

And that's how the fight started.

-------------------------------------------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said; "Do you want to make love?"

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started.

-------------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

-------------------------------------------

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband;
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies;
'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:26 AM   #10
Shardik2SS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc View Post
Here's a few more of this classic style (which my brother sent to me):

-------------------------------------------

My wife walked into the den & asked;
"What's on the TV?"

I replied, "Dust"

And that's how the fight started.

-------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said;
"I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

So I bought her a set of Bathroom scales.

And that's how the fight started.


-------------------------------------------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said; "Do you want to make love?"

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started.

-------------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

-------------------------------------------

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband;
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies;
'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.
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Old 06-23-2010, 01:13 AM   #11
SScattergunSS
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Doc, these were all great! Thanks for putting 'em up!
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~ Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, And this be our motto, "In God is our trust." And the Star Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave ~ Francis Scott Key ~
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