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Old 06-22-2010, 11:28 AM   #1
Sir Nuke
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The "MAN RULES"

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and if one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.


Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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Old 06-22-2010, 11:32 AM   #2
Da Hose
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AMEN and AMEN
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Hose,

I'd bet $100 that you smile like that all the time, even in your sleep... and you don't snore when you sleep, you giggle.

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Old 06-22-2010, 11:34 AM   #3
guiLT
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+2!!!
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:41 AM   #4
"prima"Donna
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I have to admit, these are pretty funny, and I hope the ladies don't 'kill me' for agreeing with most of them...lol...
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:56 AM   #5
2ndgenz28
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Yep to many years of women having their cake and eating it too, then dare to ask if you look fat in your jeans
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:57 AM   #6
Shardik2SS
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+1,000,000

Especially the toilet seat rule.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:59 AM   #7
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I'm with Donna on this one. They're pretty funny and seems to be mostly true from the male perspective. Of course, who said women would listen.....
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:59 AM   #8
brandotron
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Haha, I like that they're all #1
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:59 AM   #9
Camaro_Corvette
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Yep, yep, and yep.

+ a million on the toilet seat rule.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:10 PM   #10
Bonnie
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Yes, that is very funny in so many ways but I have to say the men that live by this are probably single. LOL
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:18 PM   #11
Da Hose
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie View Post
Yes, that is very funny in so many ways but I have to say the men that live by this are probably single. LOL
That is so not true....I live by.....uh...what was that dear??? yes snookums, I'll take out the garbage and wash your car!!!! lub uOH yeah, where was I again!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Hose,

I'd bet $100 that you smile like that all the time, even in your sleep... and you don't snore when you sleep, you giggle.

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Old 06-22-2010, 12:22 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Da Hose View Post
That is so not true....I live by.....uh...what was that dear??? yes snookums, I'll take out the garbage and wash your car!!!! lub uOH yeah, where was I again!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I've met Kelly! hahahaha, thats all I need to say!!!!!! hahahaha
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:23 PM   #13
Da Hose
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie View Post
I've met Kelly! hahahaha, thats all I need to say!!!!!! hahahaha
BUSTED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GTAHVIT View Post
Hose,

I'd bet $100 that you smile like that all the time, even in your sleep... and you don't snore when you sleep, you giggle.

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Old 06-22-2010, 12:28 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie View Post
Yes, that is very funny in so many ways but I have to say the men that live by this are probably single. LOL
Single?...not necessarily. These are universal laws. They apply to all of us, single and married. Happy?...yes.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:35 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by fielderLS3 View Post
Single?...not necessarily. These are universal laws. They apply to all of us, single and married. Happy?...yes.
Well Is she happy? That is the question.........hahahaha I only kid, I promise!!! LOL
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:51 PM   #16
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Additions to you list.

1. You better order something when we go out to eat. If you don't, your not eating off my plate. If you wanted to share you should have said so before I ordered just enough for me.

1. No toy of mine is to be sold unless it is sold to pay for another toy. I'm not allowed to touch or sell your shoes, so don't touch my stuff.

BTW, I'm lucky ya'll don't know Mrs. Boss. LOL
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:21 PM   #17
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These will be emailed for sure!
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:21 PM   #18
Grendahl
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I especially like rule #1.
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:23 PM   #19
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all number ones, that is great.
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Old 06-22-2010, 09:32 PM   #20
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Going on facebook right now.

Absolutely love them!!!!!!.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:36 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Nuke View Post
...
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


After reading this out loud to my lovely Lady, I have quoted the ones she screamed "That's SOOO true!" at.
I have highlighted in BOLD the particular rules that relate, regularly, to our relationship. Well, with one exception. I'm not assigned to the couch very often, but when it's happened she gets mad that I can fall asleep. It's like camping! Plus, the kitchen is RIGHT THERE! WOOO!


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Old 06-22-2010, 11:37 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie View Post
Yes, that is very funny in so many ways but I have to say the men that live by this are probably single. LOL
If they live by ALL those rules, yep!
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Old 06-23-2010, 12:11 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Nuke View Post



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and if one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

my personal favourites.
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Old 06-23-2010, 11:33 PM   #24
Synerbee
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I like them all except the fat one. Someone I know almost died from being made fun of being fat when she wasn't and never told she skinny :(

Last edited by Synerbee; 06-25-2010 at 12:32 AM.
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Old 06-24-2010, 06:58 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Nuke View Post
My Favs...


1. Men are NOT mind readers. But they have all the answers!

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
And when I kick your a$$ in fantasy football don't cry.



1. Crying is blackmail. yes, I know

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! (Agreed - I hate when ppl do this!)


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. Agreed


1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.



Quote:
Originally Posted by "prima"Donna View Post
I have to admit, these are pretty funny, and I hope the ladies don't 'kill me' for agreeing with most of them...lol...
I'm right there with ya Donna!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeckyD@RodgersChevrolet View Post
I'm with Donna on this one. They're pretty funny and seems to be mostly true from the male perspective. Of course, who said women would listen.....
Good Point

Quote:
Originally Posted by brandotron View Post
Haha, I like that they're all #1
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