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Old 06-22-2010, 09:06 PM   #1
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Best Speeding Excuses to Avoid Ticket

I'm going to let you all in on a secret...

It's the best excuse for speeding I've ever heard as both a former NYPD auxiliary cop and a veteran TV reporter (I've been colecting these excuses from troopers and other LEOs for 20 years).

A guy I know was getting pulled over for 50 MPH in a 35 zone. He immediately poured the contents of the Snapple Iced Tea he was drinking into his lap and tossed the bottle under the seat, all before the officer got out of the cruiser.

After handing over his license and registration, he told the officer "I had to pee so badly -- I was racing to get home, just around the corner -- but then I saw your flashing lights in my rearview mirror and I pissed my pants!"

The cop let him go with a warning. All it cost him was a bottle of iced tea and some laundry detergent.

The second best excuse I've heard was, "my wife is about to get preganant, and I've gotta be there!"

What's the best excuse you've heard?
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Old 06-22-2010, 09:13 PM   #2
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I don't know if this is real or not but its good for a laugh.....

Two guys get pulled over. The driver knows that he is going to jail. So he reaches for the last beer and takes the Bud Light label off and sticks it on his forhead..... The officer comes up to the car and says "Sir have you been drinking tonight?"..... The driver points to his forehead "nope, I'm on the patch!"
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Old 06-22-2010, 09:23 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by StreetReporter View Post
The second best excuse I've heard was, "my wife is about to get preganant, and I've gotta be there!"

Lol pregnant by another man and he wants to be there to watch? :P Funny but wrong use of words make it even funnier.
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Old 06-22-2010, 09:54 PM   #4
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I forgot which SI magazine I read this, but it was probably one of them at the doctors.

Cop pulls over a kid and asks him why he's driving so fast. Kid replies "The sports illustrated swimsuit edition came in and I gotta get home before my dad gets his hands on it." (Not as in take it but as in sees it first). Cop let him go.
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:00 PM   #5
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Last time I was pulled over I was asked why I was going so fast. I said "it is a fun car". He let me go. In Missouri everything is fixed for a hundred bucks basically. You drop the money off at the lawyer and you get a letter a few months later telling you to pay court costs. Usually $60 or so. You can drive however you want if you have a hundred bucks.
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:09 PM   #6
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V-tec kicked in yo!

best excuse period!
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:19 PM   #7
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It's ok officer. I was only going 40 back there a while ago so you owed me 20.
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:25 PM   #8
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If you have a girl in the car say shes on her period and you were just trying to get her home, works EVERYTIME
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:39 PM   #9
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In 1990 in Colorado Springs, I a ripped smoky doughnut in my 1970 Monte Carlo and whipped around just in time to see two cop cars nose-in talking to each other.

I actually had just dropped off my girlfriend after a fight. I was super-frickin PO'd.

When the cop pulled me over I was looking straight ahead with a death grip on the wheel. I didn't even give him my license or registration, I just screamed "F**ing women, Man!!!"

I expected a "calm down sir.." or "step out of the car.."

Instead, the cop pats his hand on my shoulder and says, "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. Take it easy on the way home."
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Old 06-23-2010, 12:48 AM   #10
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My wife ran off with a policeman last week and I thought that you were him and were trying to bring her back.
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Old 06-23-2010, 12:53 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetReporter View Post
I'm going to let you all in on a secret...

It's the best excuse for speeding I've ever heard as both a former NYPD auxiliary cop and a veteran TV reporter (I've been colecting these excuses from troopers and other LEOs for 20 years).

A guy I know was getting pulled over for 50 MPH in a 35 zone. He immediately poured the contents of the Snapple Iced Tea he was drinking into his lap and tossed the bottle under the seat, all before the officer got out of the cruiser.

After handing over his license and registration, he told the officer "I had to pee so badly -- I was racing to get home, just around the corner -- but then I saw your flashing lights in my rearview mirror and I pissed my pants!"

The cop let him go with a warning. All it cost him was a bottle of iced tea and some laundry detergent.

The second best excuse I've heard was, "my wife is about to get preganant, and I've gotta be there!"

What's the best excuse you've heard?

My friend pee'd his pants for real and the cop gave him a ticket anyway. He told him that he heard that excuse to many times and that next time he should just save himself the smell of driving home with his pants drenched of pee.
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Old 06-23-2010, 08:43 AM   #12
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My friend pee'd his pants for real and the cop gave him a ticket anyway. He told him that he heard that excuse to many times and that next time he should just save himself the smell of driving home with his pants drenched of pee.
Quoted for truth! Every third car has a bathroom emergency. Or they are going to a funeral in Memphis, or Mississippi. So I guess no one is alive in those states.


Be original, be funny. Not saying it works everytime, but it's a lot better then pouring tea in your lap.


Best one I've had was a oriental guy with broken English tell me that he had " stomach bad ache, got to poo." He was doing 82 in a 65. I told him if he had to poo bad enough, there was a tree right there, while I ran his information. He immediately jumped out of his suv, grabbed some TP, and headed for the trees. I lost it, his name, while I won't say it here, if twisted just a bit, would refer to a dong being of wei size. I was going to let him go, but he came back suspended. The best part was the dispatcher, who is gay, repeat the guys name back to me giving me the information, " Your W** D*** is clear, suspended."
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Old 06-23-2010, 08:47 AM   #13
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I have a shirt that says: I wasn't speeding. I was qualifying!
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Old 06-23-2010, 09:05 AM   #14
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When he asks you "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" reply by squeezing and shaking your legs and say " Sir, you can give me the ticket if you want, but can we do this at the nearest gas station..... I really need to take a big S#!t!!!!" Im sure you'll get off that one lol
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Old 06-23-2010, 10:09 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrray13 View Post
Quoted for truth! Every third car has a bathroom emergency. Or they are going to a funeral in Memphis, or Mississippi. So I guess no one is alive in those states.


Be original, be funny. Not saying it works everytime, but it's a lot better then pouring tea in your lap.


Best one I've had was a oriental guy with broken English tell me that he had " stomach bad ache, got to poo." He was doing 82 in a 65. I told him if he had to poo bad enough, there was a tree right there, while I ran his information. He immediately jumped out of his suv, grabbed some TP, and headed for the trees. I lost it, his name, while I won't say it here, if twisted just a bit, would refer to a dong being of wei size. I was going to let him go, but he came back suspended. The best part was the dispatcher, who is gay, repeat the guys name back to me giving me the information, " Your W** D*** is clear, suspended."
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Old 06-23-2010, 10:48 AM   #16
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Or just say,

Sorry officer, I needed to pick up my son/daughter/little brother quickly from best buy (or wherever he may be) so he wouldn't be late for church tonight
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Old 06-23-2010, 01:34 PM   #17
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No excuses needed - Just get breasts....
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Old 06-23-2010, 01:45 PM   #18
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No excuses needed - Just get breasts....
oh thats just so wrong! lol
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Old 06-23-2010, 09:35 PM   #19
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No excuses needed - Just get breasts....
Ehhh.... for you maybe

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Old 06-24-2010, 04:28 AM   #20
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Not mine but from a readers digest many years ago...
Officer was debating heading back to the station. It had been a long hot day in the Florida sun working traffic and he wanted one last good ticket for the day...
Car goes flying by on the road in front of him...90 or so in a 55 zone
Lights, siren...
Walks up to find a, college age, very attractive female...

Officer..." I've been waiting all day for you."

Female... "I got here as fast as I could."

Officer laughing hysterically... " go on, but SLOW DOWN."
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Old 06-24-2010, 04:33 AM   #21
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No excuses needed - Just get breasts....
THAT'S what I've been doing wrong!



(Not actually me)
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:28 AM   #22
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Ehhh.... for you maybe


Might work - you never know how the cop swings...
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:30 AM   #23
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THAT'S what I've been doing wrong!



(Not actually me)
Apparently worked for me the last time I got pulled over....LOL
That or the shock that I was a chick in a Camaro - I bet he was expecting some old guy who was loaded with speeding violations....
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Old 06-29-2010, 11:29 AM   #24
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If everyone else is speeding also...

Me: Why did you pull me over when everyone else was also speeding?

Cop: Do you ever go fishing?

Me: Sure. Why?

Cop: Did you catch them all?

Me: No, but I usually throw the little ones back in.

Cop: Laugh. Slow down next time!
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Old 06-29-2010, 12:59 PM   #25
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I'm sorry officer I didn't know I couldn't do that.
"Well now you know!, Now get outta here"
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