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Hey pg, I know exactly what your going thru and how you feel. Dont get down on yourself for starting again, when the time is right you will quit.
My story real quick, I have been a smoker since I was 17 or so. Both of my parents are smokers. At 20 I married a smoker. Pregnant 3 times and quit with each pregnancy swearing to never smoke again, ya right. 7 or so years ago my husband decided we were both going to quit, he did, I lasted 6 weeks. I hated the world, I was miserable and told him I was going to start smoking or kill someone and he was first on my list! About 2 years ago I used Chantix (only problem I had with it was feeling sick to my stomach) and quit for a year. ( I know 3 people that used Chantix and started smoking again)
It is so hard for me because I love it, I am sure all the non smokers reading this will think that is disgusting, and I enjoy it. BUT what I hate about smoking is spending $6 a day for cigs, smelling like a freakin ash tray, standing outside on my patio or in my garage to have one because I don't smoke in our house or cars, excusing myself when out with friends to go have a quick cig, and knowing how bad it is to my health.
I haven't been able to quit for good because I (and I stress I) am not ready to. Now, YOU can quit for all the right reasons, your wife, your kids, your health, your camaro (LOL), your friends on this forum, but until YOU are truly ready to quit because YOU want to it isn't going to happen.
So, when you are ready, pick a quit date, make sure you have the gum, patches or whatever you are going to use to help you get thru this, have water bottles on hand (it helps to drink alot of water) and have a plan on what you can do (go for a ride, take a walk, call a friend) when the urge gets to you.
I wish you much luck, your on the right track because you're trying, don't give up on yourself.
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