[brandotron]

From Modern Drunkard Magazine

Winos have stopped asking you for change. They just nod and give you that weird half-smile.

Wild Turkey 101 neat tastes watered down.

The liquor store clerk looks in your cart and says, “Woo! That’s gonna be some party!” And you think, “Party?”

It doesn’t bother you when you wake up with an empty wallet because all those bartenders and waitresses probably deserve that money more than you do and HOLY S*** HOW THE F*** DID I SPEND SO MUCH F***ING MONEY?

Your hangover has a hangover.

Your binge drinking gets in the way of your benders.

There’s a garbage can in your living room.

You think it’s perfectly reasonable to waive the “a gentlemen never drinks before noon” rule so long as the gentleman in question is still up from the night before.

You sometimes like to start the morning with a hearty, “Who the f*** are you?”

You have no memory of ever eating a 7-Eleven jalapeno dog and you’ve eaten about 50.

You sometimes misplace yourself.

You know that black carbon smoke from a forgotten pot of Top Ramen makes for an excellent alarm clock.

You think the world revolves around you, especially when you lie down.

Happy Friday all!