[Mark A Collier Sr]

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show
for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was
the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk
boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; or anything that connects
us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband


P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!




Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man
is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID
notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to
mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say
anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you
cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I
turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I
prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me
that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2
tickets to Jamaica but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens
for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.


So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.