Quote:
Originally Posted by DevilsReject97
Ladybugsmom,
Your stepson sounds like a kid who is lost. He sounds like someone who is trying to find something that he's not getting at home. Every boy at 12 is generally looking at girls, but attention at any level, good or bad, is something some people don't get. What I'm getting at is that it's possible he's not getting the attention he's seeking at home.
You may love him, his mother and father may love him, but is it possible that he is simply not feeling "loved"?
I've never known my father, and I'm on stepdad #3, so I can understand what a divorce can do to a child. It's especially difficult as they get older. I watched my younger brother go through a similar stretch when he hit about the same age.
My mother was afraid to discipline him most of the time, rarely doing more than grounding or the rare spanking. His father would spank him but that was it. Grounding him didn't work because he never cared about going outside. Taking his things from him really didn't work either, as eventually he would do other things.
Is he involved in any activities? Does he have any hobbies that he likes that the family as a whole can be a part of?
I've spent my time out on the street fighting, getting into trouble, doing my fair share of dirt. I was very fortunate to not get caught 99% of the time. Kids will do it because we can....for any reason we can come up with.
Several have mentioned it, but the big thing has got to be to get him to express why he really did take it to school. My guess? He's wanting for someone to make him feel a way he's not getting at home. That could be as simple as the words, great job Tommy, you did a fantastic job on that son....etc...
To give you a point of reference....after almost 10 years as my 2nd stepdad, he could not correctly spell my first name.... so maybe take a look at the things that you and his parents are doing as a whole. Maybe there is something that is going on that he's simply acting out about. I can't speak on some of this because I don't know a whole lot....but I am just giving a different perspective on what I've seen in my life...
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I agree 100%. I'm also on my 3rd step-dad, and remember vividly fighting for my biological dads attention from very young. Never worked and took alot out of me, eventually (even recently though I'm now almost 27) I came to terms with the fact it just wasn't worth it. Anyway the point is, I did alot of dumb things when I was younger trying to get attention from certain people. But due to, lets call it transient parenting, I lived with my grandparents alot of my life. I to this day respect my Grandfather more than anyone in the world because he took the time to raise me, yes I was terrified of him when I was younger, but that worked. And as I got older it turned into calm conversations undil I could see his point.
What I'm trying to say I guess, is if you feel like your boy is getting lost, does he have a figure in his life that has been a constant? someone that even though he might act cool, he really really doesn't want to dissapoint? For me it was my Grandpa, and that may be a huge help to get someone like that to become vocal with him.
The other thing that really helped me get back on the right path was staying busy. I started getting into more activities and eventually I didn't have time to be an idiot anymore. (mostly haha) My grandpa gave me his old golf clubs, started me playing guitar, got my parents to put me in more sports, hell he even used to buy old lawn mowers at yard sales so I could take them apart and learn how engines worked. Not everyone has someone like that, I was very lucky, but the principles remain the same.
Girls throw a big wrench in a guys life haha. For some reason the young girls (and even most when you're growing up) want to hang out with the nice guy, but don't want to have sex with them. And that's a major problem to a guy in high school. haha Unfortunately I just don't know how to get around that aside from waiting it out, but it may never change.
good luck!