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"Keeping my head up" is becoming more and more of an impossible task. I'm not doing too well. I'm really seeing myself fall apart. I don't get how she could kiss me and look into my eyes and tell me that she loves me one moment only to turn around and hate me hours later. I broke my rule and tried to text her yesterday morning. It was short, all I said was that I missed her and hope that she was doing good. Last night she replied that she missed me too and was sorry that things ended as they did. I replied to that saying that I couldn't talk to her, I did still love her, I did forgive her, and that I hope her all the best in life. If it was possible, I wanted her to go see her councilor too just for one session because I was worried about her and wanted to make sure she was ok and safe. Me and her have the same councilor, and she has already told me that if the girl I love ever goes back, she will instruct her NOT to get back with me yet because I am still a mess. I wasn't saying it to be mean or to fufill any personal agenda, I just wanted to make sure she would be ok. I just don't feel it's right for a 19 year old to date a middle-aged man who is divorced with children. But she got offended when I suggested that. And now has made it clear that she does hate me. I don't know what to do. I wasn't trying to be mean or hurtful. I'm just so scared for her. And now I lost any chance of her ever wanting to see or talk to me again. Life is just so cold now. I'm losing the will to "keep my head up" and move ahead. I will never try to contact her again, and I fear that she will easily do the same. This is not painful for her. She is happy to move on. And that hurts so much. But if she is happy, that is all I can ask for. May God send nothing but blessings her way.
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