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Heres what you do. You're going to need 1 roll of duct tape, 1 bottle of mace, a stun gun that runs about 2,500,000 volts (yes these hand held electric chairs do exist), 8 coat hangers, some motion detectors (expensive, just borrow them from your neighbors garage door track) and some wiring that can be ripped out of any home appliance. You're going to attach the sensors to the front and back of the car and hardwire them into the locking mechanism. When your car is locked and someone trips one of the sensors, your coat hangars (conveniently placed along your front and rear axles) will conduct the stun gun electricity. When someone tries to take your wheels, they are instantly shocked with a miniature defibrillator and you can run outside and mace them as they twitch.
Other things to keep handy in the glovebox; plastic zipcuffs, a tactical baton, a yellow pages phone book, (in case they get rowdy), a camaro SS logo with a handle that doubles as a brand, a small pet scorpion and a shady handgun with the serial numbers filed off.
After your would be camaro attacker has been detained, maimed, assaulted in multiple ways and branded with the the logo of Super Sport on the forehead, no one will ever, ever touch your baby again. You can go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back for that.
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