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Old 05-20-2011, 03:49 PM   #1050
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Drives: 2014 ZL1 #705
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: SA, Texas
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Originally Posted by mlee View Post
When you find it... re-open and post in the "My Dog Eats Poop" thread that Chris closed... He will love you for it...
Originally Posted by GTAHVIT View Post

As happy as I am that thread was closed... it wasn't me
OH MY GAH!!! LMAO!!! I found it! And while I'd love to post it in the My Dog Eats Poop thread, it's closed...and I don't like to go over another mod reopening, etc...

So, guess what Robert! You get the POOP EMAIL!!!

I swear...I had tears coming out of my eyes when I was just reading this to Dana!

I hope you are in the mood for a good laugh, Robert!

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it..

We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below.

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking
a dump at work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know
where it came from.

Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.

Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a
stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you
release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you
are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover if this should happen,
do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the
water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME .

* WALK OF SHAME * Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is doggone proud
of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the
Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who band together
to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you
to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
HAVENS. *SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the

*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries
to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that
you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the
stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately
so the pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
create a diversion.. See CAMO-COUGH.

*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with

*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever...Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT
BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always
wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other
bathroom attendees.


The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It
doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third flush, it's
still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at
someone else's house.

The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear before it
falls into the water.

The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long
your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you when you're
trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party And when you flush the
toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

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