Hi guys

[L99CAMA2011]

I have this partner that wants to marry me really bad and claims that I am the one for her. She loves me a lot and I can see this but there is a close male friend of hers that my instinct questions big time. Before we got together, she claimed she was single for 2 years and wasn't at all intimate with anyone period. I found this hard to believe since there was 2 boxes of For Her Pleasure Trojan condoms in her drawer, there were unopened . Ok so I give her the benefit of the doubt and trust this. At times she acts like she doesn't need me around and talks about this ME TIME thing a lot. We see each other on weekends and maybe 4 hours during the week. We both have very busy work schedules during the week. But I question when she goes on like she doesn't need to hear me at times. There has been a few times that we had it out a bit and she didn't want to talk for a week. It was a small issue and the issues was about this close male friend that my mind questions a lot. She claims that they were never intimate but yesterday she left her facebook messages on the screen and I saw a message like 2 months before she and I got together that said, "are you still coming over, I have something for you and this time you don't have to ask ,heart / wink at the end of the message. Do you think this may have meant intimacy or maybe a piece of cake she baked. I was about to buy an engagement ring but now feels very .

[GbrilliantQ]

Males friends are never just friends. It's a fact, if your girl ever gave him the chance he would take it.
How old are you two?

P.S. don't go through her personal messages man

[L99CAMA2011]

Originally Posted by GbrilliantQ

Males friends are never just friends. It's a fact, if your girl ever gave him the chance he would take it.
How old are you two?

P.S. don't go through her personal messages man

She 35, ME 38. Her friend like 34 I think. He came over quite a bit and she wants me to be accepting of him and other male friends coming over to her house if I am not around. She mentioned how she feels on egg shells with me and I may flip out. Honestly after seeing this message I might. He is not the most handsome guy but she sees him as a real sweetheart and he is definitely a threat to our relationship. She doesn't want to put him behind her but the last time we had an disagreement about him, he decided to back off as not to ruin the relationship. Made me thing he wasn't so bad after all but that facebook message got me on thin ice now. I don't know what to do. Honestly my heart trust her but my guts don't like it feels she is hiding something. I also noticed she has a tendency of changing things around to make it seems like it isn't such a big deal, we call it sugar coating. She cried and told me that she doesn't know how to prove to me that there wasn't anything going on. Crying made me believe she was being honest and I fully gained trust in her. But now this message makes me question things again.

[11BEE]

I have many female friends and have never thought of them in a sexual way. Maybe it is because I am married and love my wife dearly. I would never do anything to mess that up. Maybe it is because I am more experienced in life and know how to control my zipper and mind better. That does not matter. What matters is men and women can be friends.

What I do know is trust your gut. My ex wife had multiple affairs while we were married. I always suspected, but never confirmed them until we separated. I should have left years earlier. My gut knew. Trust your gut.

As for reading her messages. First, you should NEVER have done that. When you bring distrust to a relationship you kill the relationship. You cannot confront her without loosing her trust. You cannot live with that for life without it eating you up. So it sounds like you have already put the nail in the coffin.

When you find another special lady, expect the best and trust her. Women are far smarter than us men when it comes to feelings. She knows you don't trust her. Believe me.

[L99CAMA2011]

Originally Posted by 11BEE

I have many female friends and have never thought of them in a sexual way. Maybe it is because I am married and love my wife dearly. I would never do anything to mess that up. Maybe it is because I am more experienced in life and know how to control my zipper and mind better. That does not matter. What matters is men and women can be friends.

What I do know is trust your gut. My ex wife had multiple affairs while we were married. I always suspected, but never confirmed them until we separated. I should have left years earlier. My gut knew. Trust your gut.

As for reading her messages. First, you should NEVER have done that. When you bring distrust to a relationship you kill the relationship. You cannot confront her without loosing her trust. You cannot live with that for life without it eating you up. So it sounds like you have already put the nail in the coffin.

When you find another special lady, expect the best and trust her. Women are far smarter than us men when it comes to feelings. She knows you don't trust her. Believe me.

Like the positive feed back like this one. I didn't actually hammer the nail in yet. She doesn't know I peeked at the message and I didn't mention it to her. I just see it for myself. The thing is she is such a match for me and we dated 14 years ago and are meant for each other. Trust is one thing but if she is denying that they may have been involved to me then that isn't fair to me either. I am not the type to snoop around and I hate gossip and nosing into other peoples business but my gut wanted to see if my instinct was right or not. Also there was a time that she had 2 condoms left in the drawer and the next time there were missing. I know I threw out the Magnum condoms but the 2 For Her Pleasure condoms I am sure I left them in the drawer. When they were missing I was shocked. She said stop counting condoms will ya and use what is there. Well the other brand type that was there broke and almost ended up in a bread in the over type of situation . Turns out no bread was made and whew thank God for that.

[11BEE]

I firmly believe that people rise or fall to the level you expect of them. If you love her, trust her. The past is the past. If she had sex with these men, it was before you. Drop it and move on. If you think she is still having sex with them, then you need to move on.

[L99CAMA2011]

The thing is I trust her and my guts tells me she is the one but also seems like there is something hidden.

[L99CAMA2011]

Originally Posted by 11BEE

I firmly believe that people rise or fall to the level you expect of them. If you love her, trust her. The past is the past. If she had sex with these men, it was before you. Drop it and move on. If you think she is still having sex with them, then you need to move on.

Well not men, just this one close male friend. And I only have an issue with the possibility that if they were intimate and he is still a close friend that comes over to her house when I am not around and I know that yes she can go to his house as well. I believe that if a woman and a man were intimate then when a relationship evolves between that woman and someone else that close male friend that was intimate can get between the woman and her new man. I don't question her past relationships just this one guy because of what may have happened. Now in the case if they had a kid together and he came over for the sake of the kid then I wouldn't that. Lately she is also acting a little off ish. She now mentioned I call first before coming to her house and not just show up like she wants to be alerted of my arrival. Before she was going to give me the key to her apartment and now this. Now I am wondering what's up with that, she mentioned it like she has something to hide.

[L99CAMA2011]

Yes also like you I am against snooping around, but when diseases come into the picture getting early warning is better than late. In the old days HIV and AIDS wasn't an issue and I know there were other life threatening diseases as well but now there is more than just emotions involved.

[2Carats]

Where do I begin...

Dealmakers or dealbreakers. You will have to decide what the dealbreakers are. If you believe this male friend is going to be such a distraction to your relationship, and you wont stand for it, then that's a dealbreaker. If you can live with the situation and it does not bother you today, and you accept, it as a dealmaker, then this same issue is going to be around for years to come.

Boundries. The way she is now is the way she's going to be. Dont think you can change anybody when going into a relationship. You will have to sit down, communicate what you both expect from the relationship and what the boundries are. The key is to get on the same page.
If she is going to have male friends, I suggest they become your friends too. Just food for thought, a shoulder to cry on is a di__ to ride...

If you feel she is the one for you, then go for it, and the very best of luck to you. But dont ignore your gut feeling. There are some things you will never find out and no matter what you think, there are some things you dont want to know. Dont go looking for trouble by snooping in her facebook etc, cause you more than likely will find it, and it may not turn out to be what you thought it was. If you are going to trust her... then trust her.


Mind controlled by Cerebro

[Wabbit]

If you don't trust her, don't do it.

[L99CAMA2011]

Originally Posted by Wabbit

If you don't trust her, don't do it.

Well we just had a little break up this morning but is now in the process of bringing it back together. I actually do trust her but it is that doubt and that message that made me question things. I did however have a talk with her and her friend and the outcome is looking very good. I would love for her to be my wife for sure. And oh guys she also loves the Camaro over the stang, I got her hooked. When Camaros drives by she goes like Ooooooh look at that there goes another Camaro, she is such a great sport and I think I can convince her to go to the track with me.

[Chi-One]

Walk away. Too many fish in the sea.

[PHXLT1]

Originally Posted by L99CAMA2011

The thing is I trust her and my guts tells me she is the one but also seems like there is something hidden.

Time to move on. Too many questions. Find another woman and save yourself the trouble.