Pray for my Daughter Stephanie.

[GTengineer]

Originally Posted by Paperer

I grew up scared of my dad and there would be no way I would have ever come home drunk.

LOL same here. I was more scared of getting my dad pissed off or disappointing them than the consequences of doing stupid things. And my dad NEVER raised his hand on me, I dunno how they did it but it worked.

[nova]

I'm only 26, so I was somewhat recently young and dumb myself. In that light, you need to cut this weed before it grows anymore. Once its established its hard to get rid of....

[67 Convertible]

Her biological father is dead. Through no fault of her own, her sister is getting alot of attention because of her medical condition. Could it be that she is screaming out for attention whether it be positive or negative? If not already, maybe some counseling could be in order? Just throwing that out there for consideration....

I brought upt 5 boys. The youngest is now 24, 3 biological, 2 stepsons. All teenagers at the same time, it was "interesting" to say the least. I wish you luck.

[UCF w00t]

16 is a bit old to beat/spank. It just doesn't have the same affect as it does on young kids.

She's letting other folks drive your car? Take the keys. She can't handle the responsibility of driving obviously.

Smoking? Tell her the truth.... smoking is disgusting and I'd say at least 50% of guys out there don't want to date an ash tray. Does she really want to limit herself to 50% of the guys out there? I'd also bet that the 50% that do are much more likely to be the type she/you doesn't want to end up with. Then she says she does it just occasionally. Well nicotine is addictive and "occasionally" quickly becomes "constantly".

Xanthos is right though. She probably sees all the attention Steph is getting and wants a piece of the action. Don't give her attention relating to this incident, don't make a big deal out of it since that's what she's looking for (subconsciously). But give her positive attention when she's doing the right things and just in general.

[Mr_Draco]

Hey Scott any updates?

[Supermans]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

Ok this is how last night went with my just turned 16 year old. Her weekend curfew is 11:00. Well she calls us at 10:30 and says a friend has been in an accident and she wants to check on them. Says she will be home soon. So around 1:15am not a word from her. We have called her cell many times. So I start texting her. She does respond to that. Says she will be home in a while and they had to go to the police station. So I call my buds at the PD and they did not see my daughter there at all. She finally does come home but is parked in a car outside the bush line so we could not see them for about 15 minutes. Comes tromping in at 3:00 AM and wants to know why we want to have a talk with her.

We start talking to her and she keeps looking at her cell phone. BOOM Kathie gets pissed and takes the phone away. The kid is slurring her words, eyes glassy over and can't even stand up straight without rocking back and forth. And she smells of cig smoke.

Now I am the step dad even though I have raised her since she was 4. This is the 3rd time this week she has pissed me off and now has her mom mad. I say grounded until she moves out of my house after high school. But of coarse that will never fly. I did tell her and will try to reinforce it that if I smell smoke on her one more time grounded for 1 week.

All her friends she says smoke. I look at it this way, 16-17 years old smoking is againts the law and if they will do that they will drink.

Any input gang?

She's just going thru the "I want to fit in and be cool" phase. She also probably thinks she needs to behave that way so other guys notice her and like her. It may even be that she has someone in particular she likes and is trying to impress.

First of all, if she is telling you lies about where she is, then that is definitely a reason for grounding. I wouldn't be as lenient as you were by simply telling her that if she smells of smoke, she'll be grounded until she is 18. Even if her friends do it, she needs to hang out with friends that can and do control themselves and don't smoke and drink.

The best way I've found that works in this situation is having a good foundation in Christianity by having Bible studies so she hangs around other children that control themselves. If she gets into that habit of Bible studies, it may continue on when she goes to college once she realizes those are the type of friends worth keeping for life. The friends she currently has that drink, smoke, party (bad influences) will fade away sooner than later.

Now I have seen girls her age addicted to the drinking and smoking at an early age and if it is not controlled can lead to other types of drugs when peer pressure is involved. Now remember this is all conjecture since I don't know what is going on other than your first post however I myself went thru a similar stage when I was her age.Furthermore three cousins of mine made some bad choices early on while in High school that lead them (well two of them didn't go but one did)to not going to college and doing drugs and alcohol while messing up their lives and those around them. Thankfully all three of them got the right kind of help (in their own ways) and are all in control of their own lives. They each took different paths of getting better but all of them came to a realization that they needed to get new friends and stop the bad behavior at some point. (I'm talking many years later) I'm not going into details on purpose since in the end, your daughter will have to be the one who makes the changes within her. You are on the right track in expressing your concerns on here to get some advice. I just wouldn't be so lenient on her for telling lies about where she was. And then make sure she does not hang out with those people who got drunk and smoked with her as long as she is living in your house. Lets hope she heeds your warning you gave her and decides what she did was wrong and won't do it again. However if she does, you have to follow thru on your threat, if not she will realize there are no consequences to her actions by you.... Take care Scott and God Bless.. My prayers are always with your family..

Originally Posted by TJTKSDMJ8

I hated my parents for how strict they were growing up. Everyday was a study in the old battle of kid against the parents. I hated them for it. I wanted to be with my friends so badly...

I thank GOD everyday for that. I would never change a thing. To this day, my "buddies" that were allowed all the freedoms I wanted are either in jail, living with their parents(at 35-40 years old) or trying to stay away from me. (I carry a badge and gun for the Feds)

Be strong man...I love my parents everyday for it..

My wife agrees with you on this one. Her parents were super strict with her and now she's a Pharmacist working for Walgreens and does not smoke and drink. Also she has good friends as well because of it..

[Scott@Bjorn3D]

Originally Posted by UCF w00t

16 is a bit old to beat/spank. It just doesn't have the same affect as it does on young kids.

She's letting other folks drive your car? Take the keys. She can't handle the responsibility of driving obviously.

Smoking? Tell her the truth.... smoking is disgusting and I'd say at least 50% of guys out there don't want to date an ash tray. Does she really want to limit herself to 50% of the guys out there? She says she does it just occasionally. Well nicotine is addictive and occasionally quickly becomes constantly.

Xanthos is right though. She probably sees all the attention Steph is getting and wants a piece of the action. Don't give her attention relating to this incident, don't make a big deal out of it since that's what she's looking for (subconsciously). But give her positive attention when she's doing the right things and just in general.

She was smoking before Steph ever got sick. She also pushed the limits before then also. Steph used to be our trouble child, meaning worse that Jackie. But now Steph is slowly working her way to becoming an angel.

[Scott@Bjorn3D]

Steph is working hard around the house and even going to Kathie's work to earn some money stocking shelves and cleaning. What for you may say? A Maltese Puppy. Well she got it last night, little female named Sophie. Steph is going to keep working around the house to earn money for the puppies food, toys and training pads.

Will try to post a picture of Steph and puppy tonight. So now I have 3 dogs, 2 cats and a rabbit. Anybody want a rabbit, she agreed the rabbit could go.

[UCF w00t]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

She was smoking before Steph ever got sick. She also pushed the limits before then also. Steph used to be our trouble child, meaning worse that Jackie. But now Steph is slowly working her way to becoming an angel.

Have you tried explaining that most guys don't want to date an ash tray? Maybe her current guy friends don't mind but they won't be around forever. You've gotta give her reasons that appeal to her, not you. Telling her that smoking is bad for you and expensive won't get very far. Telling her that many guys won't like her because of it, however, is much more important to her.

[Scott@Bjorn3D]

Problem is she is just hanging out with the loser crowd. All the people she is hanging out with smoke and drink all the time. I just hope the wife sticks to her guns and keeps her grounded for a while and makes her have to earn our trust back.

[Supermans]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

She was smoking before Steph ever got sick. She also pushed the limits before then also. Steph used to be our trouble child, meaning worse that Jackie. But now Steph is slowly working her way to becoming an angel.

I didn't know she smoked regularly already. The situation looks to be worse than I realized and harder to control. Another poster on here was saying to take away her car rights and so forth. I definitely agree to that since having someone else drive her home from a "drinking, smoking and who knows what else" party is not good at her age at all. A young girl, drunk, with a house full of young boys is asking for trouble any day of the week. Unfortunately she needs to be forced away from that lifestyle while you still have the power to force her. Once she becomes an adult, most of your power will be gone unless she is asking for money still and is still living in the house. I think she needs to go to a boot camp over the summer to straighten her out if grounding doesn't work.

[thecamaroguy]

You might want to get rid of the rabbit before it turns into 50 rabbits! :P

[UCF w00t]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

Problem is she is just hanging out with the loser crowd. All the people she is hanging out with smoke and drink all the time. I just hope the wife sticks to her guns and keeps her grounded for a while and makes her have to earn our trust back.

What does she want to do with her life? Any career aspirations? Sounds like her current lifestyle is going in the wrong direction. Definitely isn't deserving of any extra niceties such as a car.

[Supermans]

Originally Posted by UCF w00t

Have you tried explaining that most guys don't want to date an ash tray? Maybe her current guy friends don't mind but they won't be around forever. You've gotta give her reasons that appeal to her, not you. Telling her that smoking is bad for you and expensive won't get very far. Telling her that many guys won't like her because of it, however, is much more important to her.

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

Problem is she is just hanging out with the loser crowd. All the people she is hanging out with smoke and drink all the time. I just hope the wife sticks to her guns and keeps her grounded for a while and makes her have to earn our trust back.

UCFWOOT, From what it sounds like, she's probably not into guys that don't smoke and drink..

Scott, I've found out in life you always tend to emulate the people you hang around with after awhile. There is still room for her to change as I have witnessed numerous success stories not only in my family but friends I went to school with as well. Now I don't know how religious your family is or whether or not you go to a church. However most churches have youth groups with kids that set a good example. Yes, there are exceptions however those are few and far in between. I would definitely make her join one of these groups by telling her she has to go in order to regain your family trust. You can be straightforward and tell her that you want her to meet new people, make some new friends so that she can see other good kids that are fun exist. You never know, she might meet a nice kid she likes in one of those groups who as UFCWOOT says is not into girls that "smell like an ashtray". This is just a suggestion I pray it all works out for her.