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Old 07-02-2010, 02:51 PM   #15
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Women's rights.
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:06 PM   #16
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Why do strippers have belly-button rings? Its where they hang the air-freshener!
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:40 PM   #17
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Why do strippers have belly-button rings? Its where they hang the air-freshener!

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Old 07-02-2010, 03:43 PM   #18
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Another blonde joke...no offense intended

A blonde goes into the dentist's office for a root canal. She has her iPod on her waiste connected to a rather large set of head phones. The dentist advises her that he will have to put her out in order to perform the root canal. She replies, "that fine but whatever you do, don't take off my head phones or I'll die. The dentist looks perplexed, but agrees not to remove her headphones. The dentist puts her out and begins the procedure. Throughout the course of the procedure, the dentists keeps getting tangled in the cord from her head phones. He decides that he can remove them and put them back on after he completes the procedure and she'll never know. The dentist removes her head phones and sure enough, she dies. He grabs the head phones and puts them to his ear. He hears in a loud, booming voice..."Breathe in, breathe out, Breathe in, breathe out, Breathe in, breathe out...
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:52 PM   #19
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What did you do wrong when your wife comes from the kitchen to bitch at you?

Made the chain to long.
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:11 PM   #20
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how do you make lady gaga cry?















































wait for it........














































wait.........






















































poker face!
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:20 PM   #21
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^lol
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:28 PM   #22
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A father, mother and son go into an ice cream shop. The father orders a single scoop rocky road cone, and the mother orders a bowl of vanilla. The son is taking a few moments to decide what he wants when *SMACK*, the father slaps the kid right in the back of the head and yells "Hurry up, fat head". The woman behind the counter can't believe what she just saw, so she asks "Excuse me Sir, pardon my rudeness, but why did you hit your son and call him fathead?" The father calmly replies, "Theres only three things on Gods Great Earth that man wants: 1. A big car"-he points outside to a gigantic truck-"thats the biggest truck available on the market today, and its all mine. 2. A big house. I have one of the largest mansions in the county. Cost me $15MIL for it. And 3. A tight woman, and I had all three, until fat head here came along"
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:37 PM   #23
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An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Gueydan, in Gueydan, Louisiana, and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Cajun customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

'Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.
There are a few moments of silence...then Boudreaux looking down tentatively raises his hand and says:

'I think my wife Marie peeked'...
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:50 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purplhaizcraz3 View Post
A father, mother and son go into an ice cream shop. The father orders a single scoop rocky road cone, and the mother orders a bowl of vanilla. The son is taking a few moments to decide what he wants when *SMACK*, the father slaps the kid right in the back of the head and yells "Hurry up, fat head". The woman behind the counter can't believe what she just saw, so she asks "Excuse me Sir, pardon my rudeness, but why did you hit your son and call him fathead?" The father calmly replies, "Theres only three things on Gods Great Earth that man wants: 1. A big car"-he points outside to a gigantic truck-"thats the biggest truck available on the market today, and its all mine. 2. A big house. I have one of the largest mansions in the county. Cost me $15MIL for it. And 3. A tight woman, and I had all three, until fat head here came along"


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Old 07-02-2010, 06:40 PM   #25
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A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies "No. What do you mean?"

"You must be new here," she says. "Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.


Finished, the man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.

Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him. "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.

"No. What do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new," says the hairy man. "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins the newcomer around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the nudist colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "May I help you?" she says.
"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."


"Listen lady," the man replies, "I'm 68 years old. I get an erection once or twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I'm outta here!"
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Old 07-02-2010, 06:49 PM   #26
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Counseling - Southern style.





Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing.
They're chewing tobacco and drinking beer.

Bubba says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife.
She ain't spoke to me in over 3 months."

Earl spits, sips his beer, and says,
"You'd better think that over, Bubba...


Women like that are hard to find."
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Old 07-02-2010, 07:07 PM   #27
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Why do you always have to take two Mormons with you when you go fishing?

If you take just one, they'll drink all your beer!!
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Old 07-02-2010, 09:45 PM   #28
Mark A Collier Sr
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Tennessee


The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said,
'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I
were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'



Alabama

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others asked.

'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the
successful hunter replied.

'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.

'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'




Louisiana

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .' When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.


Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'


Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'

The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'




Georgia



A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D. ?'

The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'





North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and
proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.




Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'

The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'

The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front
and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make sense to me neither.'







And this from South Carolina

'You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone
retiring to the north! LOL
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"101BABY"
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