About tools and needs

[chevy 3]

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully
set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench
with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses
from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh.....'

SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. It's best use is for igniting new seat
covers.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and
rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need, and at times must be retrieved from wherever you threw it.

[FAIRNOT LZ1]

BAD DAY CHARLIE?

[chevy 3]

Thought it was kinda funny.
Kinda swing and a miss A

[Evil-Bee-NH]

SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need, and at times must be retrieved from wherever you threw it.


I wonder if this is the tool you end up using the most?

[CHMSC]

Lmao those are pretty funny and somewhat true!

[razorduck]

Originally Posted by chevy 3

SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need, and at times must be retrieved from wherever you threw it.

I had a friend in high school working on a car in his dad's shop. Got p-oed and threw a crescent wrench across the shop perfectly through a closed window into the weeds never to be found.

[chevy 3]

I new a few of use could relate.

[PAUL SS]

I have some of those f*****g tools!

[rickyrocket]

I have a wire wheel on my bench grinder,it always amazes me how fast it can shoot an object !

[67RS2010SS]

I have all of those tools and I am looking for some more F#$*ing pieces of S#$t too!!

[molloni]

I'm laughing my ass off over here! I don't know why, but I love this one the best:

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

P.S. Hey Charlie, you know I'm going to Vegas for the Kobalt 400 next week

[chevy 3]

Nice Nick. Wish I could go with. You have a blast and ill be looking for you on the tv next weekend.

[One-Bad-ZL1]

Wow, I have most of those and done most of that and still have all my fingers and toes!

How about putting a 5 foot pipe on a socket wrench and waking up 10 minutes later trying to remember your name! Can I get a show of hands....

[molloni]

Originally Posted by chevy 3

Nice Nick. Wish I could go with. You have a blast and ill be looking for you on the tv next weekend.

Thanks dude. I just hope I can get out of Boston on time tomorrow.

Originally Posted by One-Bad-ZL1

Wow, I have most of those and done most of that and still have all my fingers and toes!

How about putting a 5 foot pipe on a socket wrench and waking up 10 minutes later trying to remember your name! Can I get a show of hands....

Cheat-ah bah! (cheater bar, for those not familiar with the Boston accent)
A co-worker and I had to break a 3/4" bolt that galled up on us. We had two wrenches, and we put on 3ft long 1" pipes on the ends and pulled...yea, we broke that bolt! We didn't black out though. That's got to be an interesting story that you'll have to tell us at the next gathering.