11-09-2007, 02:09 PM | #1 | ||
Truth Enforcer
Drives: anything I can get my hands on Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: anywhere and everywhere
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A story... probably old, but oh well
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: "Why so glum?" Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" Guy: "Sure, I love to drink." Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, & Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway." Guy: "Gee that sounds great!" Satan: "You a smoker?" Guy: "You better believe it" Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?" Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!" Satan: "I bet you like to gamble." Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do." Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow." Guy: "Cool!" Satan: "What about drugs?" Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?" Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares." Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!" Satan: "You gay?" Guy: "No..." Satan: "Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough..."
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Never race anything you can't afford to light on fire and push off a cliff
A group as a whole tends to be smarter than the smartest person in that group until one jackass convinces everyone otherwise. Quote:
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11-09-2007, 02:15 PM | #2 |
I used to be Dragoneye...
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11-09-2007, 03:12 PM | #3 |
Heh heh, I thought he was going to end it with "The only problem is, it's always Friday"
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11-09-2007, 04:11 PM | #4 |
Drives: 2006 Cobalt, 2004 Taurus wagon Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 3,812
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So a couple guys from Chicago die and go to hell...
Satan meets them shortly after they arrive, and they are partying like crazy. Satan: "Whoa Whoa Whoa, why are you so excited? This is hell. It is supposed to suck here." Chicagoans: "We're from Chicago. We love this warmth! This must be what California is like!" So Satan goes and turns up the heat, hoping to make them really uncomfortable. He returns to find them celebrating even more. Satan: "OK common. I just turned up the heat even further. What is wrong with you? It is burning hot in here. You should be in agony!" Chicagoans: "This has to be what the Caribbean is like. This is paradise! We've never been this warm before!" So Satan, finally catching on, turns the temperature down. Way down. All the way to zero, on the Kalvin scale. Ice cold. Freezing cold. Yes, hell froze over. Satan, again, finds the Chicagoans celebrating. Satan: "What the hell. Its not even hell in here anymore. Its freezing. You should be back to your cold miserable selves. Why are you celebrating?" Chicagoans: "The Cubs win! The Cubs win! The Cubs won the World Series!" |
11-09-2007, 04:53 PM | #5 |
Camaro Fanatic
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......
lucky for you Im a sox fan...lol |
11-09-2007, 04:53 PM | #6 | |
Moderator.ca
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Quote:
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Note, if I've gotten any facts wrong in the above, just ignore any points I made with them
__________________ Originally Posted by FbodFather My sister's dentist's brother's cousin's housekeeper's dog-breeder's nephew sells coffee filters to the company that provides coffee to General Motors...... ........and HE WOULD KNOW!!!!__________________ Camaro Fest sub-forum |
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11-09-2007, 06:32 PM | #7 |
Drives: 2006 Cobalt, 2004 Taurus wagon Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 3,812
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I'm a die-hard Cubs fan, and we are long-suffering. Next year, we will prevail.
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11-09-2007, 06:40 PM | #8 |
Moderator.ca
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Leaf fans have been saying that for 40 years. It's quite sad really . . .
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Note, if I've gotten any facts wrong in the above, just ignore any points I made with them
__________________ Originally Posted by FbodFather My sister's dentist's brother's cousin's housekeeper's dog-breeder's nephew sells coffee filters to the company that provides coffee to General Motors...... ........and HE WOULD KNOW!!!!__________________ Camaro Fest sub-forum |
11-09-2007, 06:49 PM | #9 |
Drives: 2006 Cobalt, 2004 Taurus wagon Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 3,812
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Its been 100 years for Cubs fans. We are the longest suffering.
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11-09-2007, 06:55 PM | #10 |
Moderator.ca
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Ouch.
Back on topic . . .
__________________
Note, if I've gotten any facts wrong in the above, just ignore any points I made with them
__________________ Originally Posted by FbodFather My sister's dentist's brother's cousin's housekeeper's dog-breeder's nephew sells coffee filters to the company that provides coffee to General Motors...... ........and HE WOULD KNOW!!!!__________________ Camaro Fest sub-forum |
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