you texans can't drive. j/k

[marin7076]

Born and raised south of Houston.
Houston traffic + uninsured drivers = enough said
trick to interstates get in the fast lane and follow the herd never have a gap infront of you

[Our1stCamaro]

1. You must learn to pronounce the name of the city. It is "Hue-stun,"
not
"Ewe-ston," and definitely not "How-ston." The street named San Felipe is
pronounced "San fe-LEE-pay," not "San Fi-LEEP" or "San Fay-LEE-pee."

2. Forget any traffic rules you learned anywhere else. Houston has
its own version of traffic rules. They are called "Hold On And Pray."
There is no such thing as a high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive
like that.

3. All directions start with "Go down to Loop 610," which has no
beginning and no end.

4. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off the freeways. Just
follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.
This is how Houston residents notify the Texas Department of
Transportation where exits should have been built in the first place.

5. You have the East, Katy, Southwest, North, South, Northwest, and
Eastex freeways, which are actually I-10 East, I-10 West, 59 North, 59
South, I-45 North, I-45 South, and 290, but not in that order. Your job
is to figure out which one you really want to get on, without any signs
to tell you. God help you if you are in the wrong lane, or you will go
around Loop 610 again, which is an endless circle.

6. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to the state
of Louisiana.

7. WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT go down to Sugarland and speed even 1 m.p.h.
over the limit or forget to wear your seatbelt - you WILL be ARRESTED
and taken to jail for a full body search - no questions, no attorney
and your family will never hear from you again.

8. The Houston Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic "a
scenic drive." It is if you love seeing wrecks and people risking
their lives changing tires, running through potholes, slamming on your
brakes to avoid a collision, having people cut you off, seeing a lot of
people's middle fingers, and exhaust fumes.

9. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. The
noon-hour rush is 11:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. The evening rush hour is
2:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., sometimes 9:00 p.m. (or 3 a.m. during floods,
which we call "ponding"). The teenagers take the streets from 9:00
p.m. through 5:00 a.m., and Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

10. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you WILL be rear ended, or
at least cussed out, and/or possibly shot. When you are the first off
the starting line, count to 5 before moving when the light turns green,
to avoid being "T-boned" by crossing traffic.

11. Construction on every freeway, loop, and toll way in the city is
a permanent form of entertainment as well as a source of delays.

12. Kuykendahl Road can be pronounced ONLY by a native Houstonian.
(It is pronounced "Kirk-n-doll.")

13. All unexplained smells are accompanied by the phrase "Oh, we must
be near Pasadena."

14. If someone actually has his turn signal on, it is probably a
factory defect and should be ignored.

15. All Suburbans and Hummers have the right-of-way, unless you are
driving an 18-wheeler or perhaps a Bradley tank.

16. The minimum acceptable speed limit on Loop 610 is 85 mph.
Otherwise, you will be stopped by Houston's Finest for impeding the flow of traffic.

17. The wrought-iron bars on windows in East Houston are NOT ornamental.

18. Never look at the driver of a car with a bumper sticker that says,
"Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

19. If you are in the left lane, and going only 70 mph in a 60 mph zone,
the people who are passing you are not really waving at you.

20. If it is 100 degrees outside, then Valentines Day must be next weekend.

21. The Sam Houston Toll Road is Houston's daily version of a NASCAR race.

22. Don't get on Main Street unless you really WANT to be on Main Street.
Left turns and right turns are not allowed between the South Loop and
Dallas (that's Dallas, Texas, not Dallas Street).

23. Don't get sick or injured. There are no parking spaces in the Texas Medical Center for
anyone but doctors.

Y'ALL ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HOUSTON, AND COME BACK REAL SOON NOW, Y'HEAR?

[O2BQIK]

I remember seeing on spastic squirrel that Texas has gotten more Camaros than any other state. If that's true then it makes sense you'd see more wrecks here too.

[TIE FIGHTR]

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

Y'ALL ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HOUSTON, AND COME BACK REAL SOON NOW, Y'HEAR?

That is perfect! Except I would add to the Beltway 8 line: Since the closing of Astroworld, Beltway 8 is our only thrill ride...you must pay to get on, and occasionally pay to stay on! Please keep all middle finger or handgun waving inside the vehicle at all times.

My favorite Houston manuever is actually named the "California slide"...anyone know what I'm talking about?

[mikel441]

"Y'ALL ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HOUSTON, AND COME BACK REAL SOON NOW, Y'HEAR?"

I haven't been to Houston in years. It really has gotten bad. This was so funny I pasted it into an email and sent it to my good friend who lives in Houston. Hope you don't mind. LMAO!!

[AngryAmish]

The worst place I've ever driven is Myrtle Beach. People from all over with driving styles to match. The second worst place was Niagara Falls, Ontario. Its fine during the day, but at night it turns into a Import Nights ricer show.

[WCFB-Russ]

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

3. All directions start with "Go down to Loop 610," which has no beginning and no end.

that might be why its called a "loop"...

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

5. You have the East, Katy, Southwest, North, South, Northwest, and Eastex freeways, which are actually I-10 East, I-10 West, 59 North, 59 South, I-45 North, I-45 South, and 290, but not in that order. Your job is to figure out which one you really want to get on, without any signs to tell you. God help you if you are in the wrong lane, or you will go around Loop 610 again, which is an endless circle.

again - that might be why its called a "loop"... seriously tho, we have freeways like that here in LA where the 5/10/101/60 all come together and then within 10 feet of that junction all split from various lanes without warning. (the 60 even just has the farthest left lane split and take off altogether from the 5/10/101 and tells you that you are doing so while you are getting on the 60 )

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

6. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to the state of Louisiana.

They have these detours in San Antonio too (been there)

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

7. WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT go down to Sugarland and speed even 1 m.p.h. over the limit or forget to wear your seatbelt - you WILL be ARRESTED and taken to jail for a full body search - no questions, no attorney and your family will never hear from you again.

Sounds like Simi Valley. Cops have nothing to do out there, you get off the freeway in Simi and drive 1mph over (read: 36mph) and you WILL get a ticket, read your rights, searched, handcuffed, etc...

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

10. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you WILL be rear ended, or at least cussed out, and/or possibly shot. When you are the first off the starting line, count to 5 before moving when the light turns green, to avoid being "T-boned" by crossing traffic.

is that all? shit. see here in the San Fernando Valley (Los Angeles) -- they dont rear end you if you stop at a yellow light or dont treat each light like a christmas tree -- no no - they will stop behind you with enouhg distance that they can get out of their cars and come and carjack you and their friend can drive their car away too while they are carjacking you... not accelerating from a green light - they do this thing called a "swoop and squat". then they carjack you when you get out of your car to exchange info (LAPD reccomends that no one involved in an accident get out of their cars, simply pull over to the side of the road, expect the other driver to do the same - call the police (who only show up if someone has died or if you have damaged city property) and wait for them to get there. AT NO TIME EXIT YOUR VEHICLE!)

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

11. Construction on every freeway, loop, and toll way in the city is
a permanent form of entertainment as well as a source of delays.

It's pretty cool to see them lay 4 lanes of highway at the same time...

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

13. All unexplained smells are accompanied by the phrase "Oh, we must be near Pasadena."

they say that out here too (of Pasadena, CA)

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

14. If someone actually has his turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect and should be ignored.

out here everyone turns on their emergency flashers so they can change lanes when they need to - because other drivers will understand that both flashers mean that the car will change lanes at any time in any direction...

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

15. All Suburbans and Hummers have the right-of-way, unless you are driving an 18-wheeler or perhaps a Bradley tank.

any suburban out here that thinks they have the right of way is quickly corrected by a nearby hummer.

Originally Posted by Our1stCamaro

16. The minimum acceptable speed limit on Loop 610 is 85 mph.
Otherwise, you will be stopped by Houston's Finest for impeding the flow of traffic.

The minimum speed limit on the 118 (Ronald Regan Fwy) is 80mph. Going 80mph will get you pulled over by the CHP and cited. Going under 80mph will get you pulled over by the CHP and cited...

Sounds like Houston is a lot like here...with less gang members and shootings.

[TIE FIGHTR]

Originally Posted by black34v6

that might be why its called a "loop"...


...


Sounds like Houston is a lot like here...with less gang members and shootings.

No we have gangs everywhere here too...and the nightly news reserves all the shootings into one segment in the middle of the program, after weather, before sports.

So do they do the California slide on the freeways?

[WCFB-Russ]

Downsides to driving in california:

#56 - All of the cars are outfitted with a special system - like the BMW "intelligence" - when a drop of water hits the windshield all cars brakes are automatically activated at full strength and windshield wipers turn on to full speed.

[HDDAN]

Originally Posted by shad2009

All im gonna say is...boston drivers...nuff said lmao

I agree 100%.

[coolman]

I would say your not bad drivers just bad crashers.

[HDDAN]

Originally Posted by shad2009

All im gonna say is...boston drivers...nuff said lmao

You must know the rules to drive in Boston. Here they are;
1. Never stop for a red light unless you are the fifth car back because the first four will run the light and if you stop you will get rear ended.
2. Never go on a green light. You must wait for the four cars that are running the red light.
3. Never signal a lane change because any other driver within range will close the hole so that you can not get in.
4. Never signal a right turn because the guy on the opposite side will immediately turn left in front of you.
5. Never trust anyone's turn signal because they probably forgot to turn it off and are not really going to turn.
6. Never toot your horn unless you like to get the "finger".
7. If someone doesn't look at you, it means that you are not really there and that it is OK to pull out in front of you.
8. It is alright to read the paper draped over your steering wheel provided that you are also drinking a 24 ounce Dunkin Donuts coffee.

[WCFB-Russ]

See -- all of this just explains why the drivers in California are such douchebags -- they must have come from Boston and Texas

[HDDAN]

Originally Posted by mickss

No, use your turn signals, fake right, go left!

The two worst place`s for crap driver`s I have ever experienced is anywhere in New York City and Washington D.C. Interstate Highway 495, which was named "The Circumferential Highway", but is now called "The Beltway."

The Boston version of this is route 128. You can actually be on rte_128 west, I_95 north and I_93 south all on the same road going in the same direction south of Boston. The worst place is the intersection of rte 128 which is also I-95 and I-93. Our big dig is a nightmare with hundreds of water leaks and not to forget that the roof colapsed on a poor woman on her way to Logan Airport and killed her. It is total anarchy on these roads at rush hours.