This is a hoot! SNOW!!!

[rmpackers]

I have seen some of this before, but it is still funny. The really funny part is that this is happening in Nebraska right now!
Diary of a Snow Shoveler...

December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our
driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along
and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No
snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of
winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14 - Snow lovely snow! Eight inches last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15 - Twenty inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a** on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
hour which I think was very cruel.

December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove but won't admit it to her. God I
hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a
snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.

December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because
13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed, and dressed again,
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
for the rest of the winter but he says he's too busy. I think the a**hole is lying.

December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24 - Six inches. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the SOB who drives
that snow plow I'll drag him through the snow and beat him to death with my broken
shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
then he comes down the street at a hundred miles an hour and throws snow all
over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with
her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25 - Merry *&%*#@ Christmas!
Twenty more inches of the damn stuff tonight. Snowed in. The idea
of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver
came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The
wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a frickin' idiot. If I have to watch
"It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came
after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace
all my pipes.

December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B**** is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29 - Ten more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver and he is now
suing me for a million dollars---not only for the beating I gave him but
also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his a**. The wife
went home to her mother. Nine inches predicted.

December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[bng804]

LMAO

[brandotron]

[Brokinarrow]

I remember reading this a long time ago, still funny today

["prima"Donna]

Originally Posted by Brokinarrow

I remember reading this a long time ago, still funny today

+1

[Brokinarrow]

Though honestly, these past couple winters I am starting to feel like that guy in the story. Another 5-9 inches of the crap tonight!!

[rmpackers]

Originally Posted by Brokinarrow

Though honestly, these past couple winters I am starting to feel like that guy in the story. Another 5-9 inches of the crap tonight!!

I have just about become suicidal, we have a blizzard warning for tonight with windchills at 35-40 below zero. Where is that Al Gore guy?

[Brokinarrow]

Originally Posted by rmpackers

I have just about become suicidal, we have a blizzard warning for tonight with windchills at 35-40 below zero. Where is that Al Gore guy?

Guy at my work said this is what normal winters were like when he was growing up, and since after the 70s or so we've had really mild winters. Guess its swingin back the other way now!