O/T, even for the O/T area

[Pencil.Fight]

Maybe it's just me, but does it strike anyone else as odd that the guy with only one (singular) thumb up is called "thumbsup" while the guy with both (plural) thumbs up is called "thumbup"?

I don't know, maybe I'm just bored at work, but I thought I should share that with everyone.

P.S. The guy with one thumb down is named "thumbdown". Notice the lack of an "s"? Don't quote me on it, but it may be a conspiracy. Watch your cheerios.

[Mindz]

Don't get me started on conspiracies. I'll make a lot of enemies if I paste some of the theories I've written (As jokes mind you...)

[The_Stache]

Don't get me started on conspiracies. I'll make a lot of enemies if I paste some of the theories I've written (As jokes mind you...)

oh i have one or 2 myself.... just on the fun side though..

[TAG UR IT]

If it's all in fun...hopefully we all know when we cross the line. If not and it's posted....it might go *poof*.

[Mindz]

One is that Dubya planned 9/11 (this was two days after the incident). I know we have some debaters on the boards and some pro-Bush/anti-Bush people as well. I'll just stick to my "I can prove any statement wrong" idiosyncracy and that will be that. If you people really want me to post my conspiracy theories, you'll have to PM me and I'll send it not on public boards.

[The_Stache]

Disclaimer: I'm not making fun of mental challenged people.. this is purely about the actual idiots of our world.. and yes you know who you are...

Let me explain: Have you ever found an experience that left you physically and mentally drained in a bad way, such as arguing with the return desk at Wal Mart? Have you listened to a TV infomercial and thought, 'I am getting ****ing dumber by the minute' before unconsciously drooling on yourself as you reached for the phone to order? Well, bad news: it's not just your imagination, it's a real, and most cases, permanent, loss of intelligence. I don't mean to alarm anyone, but if some of you lose a few more brain cells to this infectious stupidity, you're at risk of becoming talking chimps. In fact, this applies to a troublingly large segment of the population, which is why I am trying to quantify the effects of stupidity, known clinically as "****ing retarded" - especially mass stupidity writ large.

I feel this is going to be some ground breaking work, and while there is no cure, perhaps this will be the watershed event eventually spawning treatment (such as self-sterilization). I'll share some of my preliminary findings at this time, and continue to collect data from my band of retards in the mist.

• Retardation seems to require a specific activation energy.
Saving a lecture in chemistry, in some cases extremely favorable reagents may be mixed together, but reaction not immediately take place due to a lack of energy to initiate the process - for example gasoline and oxygen will not combust without the spark. That added heat is known as the activation energy, and a rough analog exists in retardation. Individually, any one action of retardation can be tolerated by its surrounds reasonably well and without infecting others. These actions go by many names: a joke, horseplay, slacking, attentionboss, a joke, testing, false claims of literacy, but once those individual occurrences being to stack up, an activated complex stirs, building and growing; a precipitous foreplay for the stupid which cannot be rushed, but yet not fully realizing its own potential until the activation energy, EaRETARDATION, is achieved. Once, however, sufficient energy, has been added to reaction, things been to inexorably proceed:



Figure 1: Cluster**** Potential Vs Time, EaRETARDATION noted


• Retardation varies with distance to next closest retard.
Closely related to attraction in electricity and magnetism, retardation grows stronger as subjects draw nearer to one another, often subconsciously seeking one another out in a slow but accelerating dance, perhaps drawn in by mouth breathing signals, circling with a steady spiral of increasing retardation which ultimately leads to the first seed of active stupidity. As noted in Figure 2, even a relatively small degree of separation can stave off otherwise sufficient EaRETARDATION, which would explain the natural flocking retards exhibit, and an affinity for unnecessarily hugging nuts. The most pronounced increase appears to be due to self explanatory Intrazone Tidal Retard Effect (ITRE).


Figure 2: Retardation Vs Distance, ITRE noted

• Retardation increases with population size.
Yes, this sounds intuitive, but there's something deeper, insidious, at work here in a non-obvious manner. Stupidity can exist individually, but in its purest form - the committee - its power shines with the brilliance of the sun, and that light of warms the faces of the masses, awaking the inner retard. In a vicious cycle, the collective intelligence of people steadily declines with population size once EaRETARDATION has been achieved and the critical mass formed, quickly sucking in and enveloping the herd, until doing something like snake charming seems a good idea.



Figure 3: Retardation Vs Population Size *note quantities

• Retardation often spawns drama.
Duh - and by "Duh" I mean there's a really witty paragraph which should go here, but I ****ed up and hit Ctrl+C instead of Ctrl+V when editing and don't feel like rewriting it. See also Figure 1.



Figure 4: Retardation Reaction, notionally balanced

I must stress the preliminary nature of these findings, and I will remain vigilant in the field - but as a bonus, I've found it often helps to go into my research mode when the shit hits the fan. Switching to a 3rd person, semi-detached mode, much like an EMT at a bad accident scene and uncoupled from the more base emotions, I can attempt to analyze a circumstance and collect more empirical data in the quest to find out why, for instance, test subjects insist upon talking on the cell while driving, putting spoilers on cars that have the aerodynamic drag of a book or "installing" those ever performance enhancing stickers - these vexing and troubling issues represent but the tip of the iceberg for modern man's struggle against infectious retardation.

Thank you for your time...

Edit - PS This isn't mine.. I'm not this eloquent.. but i've stolen it to be propogated across the internet!!

[Mr. Wyndham]

I have plenty conspiracy theorys...mostly political - cause I'm not funny like you guys...

[DGthe3]

Even people who are supposed to be smart can be idiots with conspiracies. IE my brother. He's a smart guy, went to university for physics, i couldn't go through with that and i'm in engineering. Anyway, he believes that
1) man never walked on the moon.
2) the pentagon was hit by a missile
3) the twin towers were an 'inside job'

Those are only the ones I know about. Whenever I see him anymore he either brings that crap up or talks about the environment/smartcars. It seems that life as we know it is comming to an end and we are doomed in 25 years or so. I seem to be going off topic . . .
*If anyone would like to prove to me that any of these theories are indeed the Truth, pm me and we'll have a private off topic discussion on the matter

[Mindz]

The one flash about the pentagon/missle thinig was pretty convincing. Enough to start a debate I would think. =P

And does your brother think no man has EVER walked on the moon or just that the buzz aldrin thing was staged? I know people that believe it was staged but know that man has walked on the moon since.

[DGthe3]

nope, he says that it was nearly all staged. they were launched into space but just stayed in orbit. Apollo 13 was a ratings grab. The stars weren't shown because NASA couldn't do a good enough job recreating them so they ignored them. Strange shadows were caused by studio lights. I could go on but thats his best evidence as to why it was all fake. I have since explained to him how all those could have really happened. Then I asked him why the Soviets never said anything about them being faked. He still has no answer.

and as for the pentagon, i really don't want to steal this thread and I'm not even sure if i want to discus it on this board, offtopic section or not. But there are a couple of things that need to be known as background info.
1)the pentagon is full of military types who would associate an explosion with a missile. And who, until that day would suspect an airliner anyway?
2) there was very little steel in the building, thus walls will collapse when not supported from below (unlike the towers where holes were poked in the side but they still stood for a while)
3) the tube like body of the airplane allowed it to penetrate quite deep. to demonstrate, take a straw and jam it into a potato. like thishttp://youtube.com/watch?v=beELbuz9_0g

Again, I would like to say that I do not want to steal this thread

[Pencil.Fight]

Ha ha, wow. I did not expect my little Cheerios comment to turn this thread into Conspiracy headquarters.

That's some good stuff though.